First we had reality which was OK in a way but we soon grew tired of it. It became passé. It wasn’t good enough for us so we made a joke of it and created ‘the Joke Reality’ which we say is great and super-cool and much better than anything else ever could be. So first there was reality and then there was the Joke Reality which is the same thing as the Garbage Universe or the Rubbish World or the Toxic Pseudo-Reality, or whatever else you might want to call it. And you can call it anything you want – you can make up your own word for it if you want, you can spawn a neologism. Did you ever get to thinking about how very odd it is that most of us never spawn any neologisms? It’s as if we are afraid in case everyone else laughs at us for being stupid – ‘That’s not a word,’ they’ll say, ‘that’s not a word and yet you are so stupid that you think that it is! Haw, haw, haw…’ The humiliation of that moment, right? The shame of it. Except the only thing about that is that these same people who are laughing at you are the same people who are happy to be living in the Joke Universe and take it seriously. They’re more than happy – they think that they’re the bee’s knees. On account of how they’re living in the piss-take toxic Pseudo-Reality that they think is so great! Haw, haw, haw. You’re stupid because you said a word that isn’t real. You’re not cool like we are. So we’re going to come over and piss on your trainers. We going to come over and have a good old piss all over your shoes so we are and then we’ll laugh ourselves sick all over again. First there was reality and then we all took a vote and we decided to make the Piss-Take Surrogate Reality instead. The ‘Mock Reality’. Yes, yes, yes that makes sense. Why not buy the product, right? Why not purchase the jolly old product? The man in the advert said it was good, after all. He said the product is Number One and that everyone wants it. They all want it because it shows they’re cool! Of course it does, of course it bloody does. If you don’t buy the product they’ll all laugh at you. Please buy wonderful product – you’ll never regret it. You’ll never look back. You will owe yourself a huge debt of gratitude, a debt of gratitude you’ll never be able to repay, so you’d better get ready for that. The debt collectors will be around, knocking loudly on your front door. Pay up, pay up, you dirty bastard. Spawning neologisms is a sign of the true individual, you know. No smarmy socially adapted lick-ass could ever do that! You bet they couldn’t. They’re just not able, no matter how much they might strain themselves trying to come up with something new, something original. They might come up with some kind of crap all right, some kind of lame pretentious bullshit that everyone will say is good. They might even make a name for themselves for being ‘edgy’ or ‘off the wall’ or whatever but it’s all just pretence, it’s all just fakery. Fakery, fakery, fakery – it’s all bloody fakery. Welcome to the Universe of Authentic Fakes, ladies and gentlemen. Step right up and have a gawk. Have a good old gawk. Have a right bloody good gawk for yourselves. You’ve never seen the like. You shall see wonders so you shall. You shall see wonders the like of which will make your frickin eyes pop right out of your frickin head. It’s all here you see. It’s all here in the Universe of Authentic Fakes.