Margin For Error

I was trying to control effectively so that I could get the good thing to happen. ‘Control effectively,’ I ordered myself in authoritative tones. I was in charge of the show and I was determined to make a good job of it. In I was controlling myself so that I could be sure of controlling effectively, you see. I didn’t want there to be any mistake about it, I didn’t want to leave any margin for error.’ ‘Make very sure you don’t leave any margin for error,’ I ordered myself sternly, just for good measure. Just to make sure everything was quite, quite clear.

 

I was establishing a control hierarchy you see. That’s the thing you have to do to get it right in a situation like this. At the base of the control hierarchy there is me trying to control so as to get the good thing would happen. That’s where it all starts. And then the next thing to do is to establish a level of control immediately above this base level, a level which oversees the base level and makes sure that it functions correctly and does what it’s supposed to do. That’s the beauty of the control hierarchy you see – you’re always checking up on yourself from the next level up. You’re always checking up on your own checking up. It’s what you might call a ‘failsafe’ – it’s a failsafe system. The control hierarchy makes the whole thing foolproof.

 

‘Establish the control hierarchy, establish the control hierarchy,’ I told myself, sounding a bit like an overzealous dalek. I threw that in just to show that I’m still capable of self-observation, the matter how absurdly neurotic you might think I am. I am neurotic for sure (‘Are bears Catholic, does the Pope shit in the woods, etc., etc.) but I’m am also still capable of wry self-observation, as you can see. The two things do not necessarily self-exclude. They can self-exclude but they don’t necessarily do so. I am the proof of that, you might say. Allow me to take a bow.

 

That’s where I made my big mistake though. That was where I made a real humdinger of a mistake. A real stinker. You can smell it a mile away. You see, what I had forgotten (in my haste to get it right) was that one should never construct a control hierarchy around oneself. It’s a cardinal error to do that. I’m not sure what a cardinal error is exactly but this is one of them. Doing what I did is a cardinal error. There is an error in that and it’s a big, big one. None bigger, my friends, none bigger. Those who think there is an error bigger than this are mistaken,. Sadly mistaken. They’re deluded, in fact. No human being can conceive of the sheer magnitude of this error – or very few can anyway. You can always tell them by the look they have in their eyes – that frightened, glazed look. ‘Oh no,’ they are thinking, ‘reality itself has turned into an error.’ That’s what happens when you make a truly huge error you see – it goes on to become the universe and the true reality is lost forever.

 

‘I got confused,’ I blurt out, ‘I got confused and I made a mistake. I am compulsively confessing my sins. ‘I didn’t mean to do it, honest I didn’t. I’m sorry, alright? If there’s anyone out there who can hear me then I’m sorry.’ I’m blubbering like a fool. ‘But you shouldn’t have done it,’ comes back the reply from my own tortured conscience. ‘You shouldn’t have done it. You did a very bad thing and now no one can fix it.’ Will I be punished, I wonder. Will I be punished for creating a false universe? And if so, who will punish me? I’m the only one here, you see. I’m the only one left…

 

 

 

 

 

 

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