I have withdrawn so far from the outer, phenomenal life that I barely notice it anymore. I go through the motions, I still have a life and all that this entails, but I barely notice it. It is of so very little interest to me. All my living happens on the inside now; all of my living happens in the Dream Core. It is with real anguish that I wake up and that is no exaggeration. Every morning is painful. I don’t feel anguish at facing the day that is to come (as I say, that has little significance to me), I feel anguish at being expelled from the Dream Core into the drab exterior of life.
When I wake up in the morning, cut off from the life-giving energies of the Dream Core, I spend hours trying to cling to that half-forgotten atmosphere, trying not to lose the scent of that fleeting magical aura. I try to bask in it for as long as I am able, which is sometimes not at all, whilst on other days it may be possible for as long as an hour or so. But then, after that, I am expelled unceremoniously into the outside world. The outside world holds very little in the way of charm for me – people function as machines in this world, they function purely as machines and if anything stands in their way they roll right over it like tanks. They don’t even know what it is that they have rolled over, so intent are they on enacting their crude mechanical imperatives. They don’t care, either. Everything is about enacting crude mechanical imperatives in this world – absolutely everything. We have such high regard for mechanical imperatives and no regard at all for anything else. We even go so far as to call our mechanical imperatives ‘reality’! That’s how crass we are.
We brutalise our own consciousness every day of our lives in this mechanical world of ours and we think nothing of it. You can see how little I think of this business of everyday existence that people make so much of. This is supposed to be ‘it’, this is supposed to be ‘what it’s all about’. The moment we wake up in the morning we turn our over-active minds to the routines that await us, we turn our minds towards the goals we are to meet, the agendas we are to fulfil, the plans that we are determined to see through. That’s where life lies, we imagine. That’s where it’s all going to happen. How could we get things so wrong, I sometimes wonder. How could we get things so very wrong? Most of the time I don’t wonder this however, most of the time I just keep my head down and my mouth shut – as long as I can get through the day that’s good enough, as far as I’m concerned. I learned this a long time ago – it’s what you might call ‘basic survival skills’. Don’t pick a fight with the machine; don’t pick a fight with the machine because if you do then it will roll over you and crush you without it even noticing what it has done to you….
Even the word ‘dream’ has been abused by the machine. That’s a rather appalling irony in my view. People talk about ‘chasing their dreams’ or – sometimes – ‘living the dream’. What an appalling distortion of the word. How can you ‘live the dream’ in the mechanical realm? The mechanical realm mangles all dreams. There is no trace – however slight – of anything dreamlike in the mechanical realm. Everything is much too crass for that. Everything is just pure ugly brutality – unremitting ugly brutality. There is nothing ‘dreamlike’ there at all. There is no poetry. The thing is of course that when people talk about ‘dreams’ in this way what they are really talking about are the crude mechanical fantasies which are the corrupted echo of true dreams. When people say – as they so easily do – that they are ‘chasing the dream’ what they really mean is that they are pursuing the crude mechanical fantasies that the machine has put into their heads. It’s not their dreams at all that they’re in pursuit of – the ‘machine-dreams’ have nothing to do with them. They are just some kind of vile generic mass-produced garbage. They are the purest filth. These crude mechanical fantasies are the putrid noxious effluence of the Garbage World. Dreams don’t need to be ‘pursued’ anyway – whoever heard of such nonsense?
We have all been disconnected from the Dream Core and that’s a tragedy we never see. It’s no wonder our lives are so ugly. Maybe it’s something that has been put in the water, maybe it is industrial pollutants in the atmosphere. I don’t know. What I do know is that the human race has been pretty much disconnected from the Dream Core. Our lives occur purely on the outside; the umbilical cord has been cut. I haven’t been disconnected yet and I’m working hard to make sure this doesn’t happen. I’m doing what I can to protect myself. There are steps that can be taken – I have nothing to do with people, as far as I can help it, for example. I don’t talk to them any more than is strictly necessary. I don’t meet them in their collective fantasy world except when I really can’t avoid it. In this way I hope to protect myself from the Great Contamination that I see all around me. For how long I will be able to continue protecting myself I do not know. If necessary, I tell myself, I will withdraw into the Dream Core entirely…