Lesser demons were trying to jump out of my head. The way they do. They were trying to show themselves, manifest themselves, let everyone know that they were there. They were trying to show ME up really. Trying to make a holy show of me…
It’s bad when they do that. It’s very freakish. You feel freakish, you feel like a total freak when that happens. If there was anyone around and they actually saw the demons coming out of my head that would gross them out big time. To put it mildly! God alone know what people would think. When the demons start with this kind of business you have to go off somewhere where you will be on your own, somewhere where there’s no risk of anyone seeing you. You have to go and hide out somewhere until their vile activity subsides.
Lesser demons are what you might also call ‘scumbag demons’, ‘vermin demons’, or ‘rabble demons’. You know the type, I’m sure. I call them garbage demons because that’s all they are – they’re the lowest of the low. They are pure psychic effluence. Well, they might be the lowest of the low but they are there in MY head which I suppose doesn’t really say much for me! If they’re the lowest of the low then what does that make me? That doesn’t exactly portray me in a good light, does it?
You know that feeling when for some completely unknown reason you come out with something in public that is so very much the wrong thing to say? It’s not that you mean to say it but just that, somehow, you do. You inexplicably come out with it. Well you know how embarrassing that is, I’m sure! We’ve all done that. It’s no good pretending that it hasn’t. We’ve all been there. Well anyway when those demons start jumping out of your head it’s like that, only indescribably worse. It’s like a full-on panic attack as compared to a moment of feeling a bit worried. It’s the type of thing you can’t imagine unless it’s happened to you.
It’s not so much embarrassing when it happens as deeply, deeply disturbing. It’s embarrassing as well of course but abnormally so, surreally so. When it happens there’s nothing you can do except quicken your pace and try to put some distance between yourself and anyone else you might also happen to be walking down the street. So they can’t see the expression on your face, the look of horror and shame that you can’t help manifesting. If there’s a quiet side-alley you will quickly turn down it and hide out in the shadows, if you can.
The other thing is of course, would anyone actually notice? Obviously they wouldn’t see the actual demons themselves because demons are invisible, as everyone knows. They’re not physical beings. They’re ethereal. No one’s going to stop me in the street to tell me that I’ve got an obscene rabble of demons bursting out of my head. I won’t find myself up in court over it. There’s no charge associated with manifesting demons; it’s not a public order offense. You can’t do time for it. But all the same having these obscene unholy things jumping out of your head like so many grinning jack-in-the-boxes just isn’t right. No way is it right. It’s actually very wrong. You don’t need me to tell you that! And perhaps I’m wrong, perhaps people can see them…
I’m not actually sure where I’m going with all this, by the way! I just have it in my head to talk about it. It’s in my head. In my head. In my head. In my head. Like the demons! I’ve got to let it out. I can’t help musing over it, puzzling over it, obsessing over it. I’m perplexed. I don’t know what to make of this business with the demons coming out of my head like that. I don’t know what to say about it. Does the fact that this happens to me mean that I’m a bad person? Would I perhaps be better off not talking about it?