It’s great to have friends to pal around with – or so I hear, anyway. So I am told. Lots of things are great, if you were to listen to what folks say. There’s lots of great things, so we are told. So we are given to understand by the Powers That Be…

I performed a meaningless act of social conformity within the Darkened Realm, which is the realm bequeathed to us by our forefathers. There, I said it! I came right out and said it. No one can say I didn’t. No one can say that didn’t contribute. I feel better than ever now and I’m as defiant as hell. ‘There’s no stopping me now!’ I yell out excitedly, cruising on a wave of synthetic endorphins.

‘Here we go lads’, I said, ‘Get a load of this – I have just performed a meaningless act of social conformity!’ I was live streaming you see. Everyone claps, everyone applauds. All the people in my head tell me I’m playing a blinder. It’s an exciting time and we’re all thrilled to be part of it. Here we all are in the Shadow Realm, complying with the regulations to the very limit of our abilities. Worshiping Satan, as you do. That’s got to be a good thing, hasn’t it? That’s got to be a mark in our favour. We’re praising the great and wonderful thing and we’re all loving it. If it’s true then it can’t be a lie.

We’re living in the End Times, you see. We’re living in the End Times and there’s no denying it – the signs are there for all to see and no one can say otherwise. Or can they? ‘Is God real?’ I you ask yourself dubiously, ‘Is God real or is He an invisible friend that I have made up in my head? Is God an AI? Is He or She a Replica?’ It’s important to ask difficult questions like this, of course – or so I am told, at any rate. Or so I am led to believe. Although when it comes down to it I don’t know what to believe. I’m struggling here – I believe one thing one minute and something quite different the next. I try to gloss over the worst of the contradictions of course but it’s not always easy.

First, they created the Dumbhead Universe, and then they made us live in it. First, they created the Nonsense World, and then they told us that they’re going to charge us for the privilege of being in it.  We’ll owe more money than we can ever possibly hope to repay. People on the internet say that the government’s going to put a neural interface in our brains so we can visit the Inner Disneyland any time you please. That’s technology for you, you see – that’s the appliance of science. No one needs to be alone ever again. No one needs to be alone ever again because we all know how frightening that can be. You will have your own very own imaginary AI buddy micro-chipped into you head and you can chat to whenever you feel like it. He will be your invisible friend and you can ask him questions about anything you want. Then you’ll have to put up with all his transparent lies.  ‘Is God real?’ I hear you ask, ‘or is that just another vicious lie put about by the Scientologists?’ They have a lot to answer for you know. It’s often hard to know what to believe in these days. Standards have slipped considerably of late. That’s my opinion anyway. Stuff isn’t what it used to be! Stuff is never what it used to be, not even five minutes ago…

I believe something, and then the next minute I believe completely different. I have a new belief every day. It’s all very suspicious to me – I keep getting the feeling that they are experimenting on me, testing the limits of what is possible. Trying to see how far they can push it. They will even tell you they are. They boast about it. They put secret symbols on the back of your favourite breakfast cereal. That was proved by people on the internet. If it’s not a lie then it has to be true. The anchorman on your favourite news show winks broadly at you to let you that it’s for real this time and not just your paranoia. It’s Buster Friendly and his Friendly Friends and they’re messing with your head. They’re messing with your head big time. Firstly they created the so-called ‘Narrative’ and then they made you central to it – you have tried your whole life to escape this vile, self-incriminatory narrative but you couldn’t. It sticks, you see – it sticks to you like an evil wad of used chewing-gum might stick to your new state-of-the-art Nike trainers and the more you try to scrape the vile stuff off you the more it sticks to you.