I used to think that I was a spiritually enlightened being until one day I discovered – to my absolute dismay – that I was in fact only a DSC, (which is to say, a Distorted Spiritual Ego). I could now see that all the glory which I had imagined myself to possess was merely a squalid and loathsome exercise in self-deception! Oh the horror of this discovery – how could I ever have allowed myself to make such a mistake? What could I have been thinking about? I grew angry then – I grew very angry indeed and my anger developed to the point where I wished to rip up the world, to show it what I felt about it. I wanted to go on the rampage to demonstrate (to anyone who was interested) the full extent of my pain and despair. “The world will know about this,” I said to myself vengefully, a dark thundercloud hanging over my head. “The world will know about this and it will be sorry…”
My plans came to nothing of course – I was far too weak and feeble to rip up anything, least of all the world. Least of all the world, which is both large and formidable. The idea of me in any way trying to ‘go on a rampage’ was frankly laughable and I knew it. I could no more go on the rampage than I could fly to the moon. My plans were in disarray and I didn’t know what my next step should be. Perhaps I should make a deal with Satan, I said to myself. Perhaps that’s the answer. That might give me the edge. The all-important edge. My mind was running wild at this stage of course – it was running pure wild. It was freaking out big time, freaking out as if there was no tomorrow. “Freak out some more you stupid freak!” I screamed at myself, “why don’t you freak out some more, you stupid dumb-ass bastard…” I was my own worst enemy you see – I was always my own worst enemy. Often I would punch myself viciously in their head when I least expected it. “Take that you piece of shit,” I’d say, “See how you like that…”
It’s so very important to keep the edge, once you have it. If you’re lucky enough to have it. I knew that much, if no more. It’s always very important to keep the edge. “Days of sorrow, days of rage,” I quoted to myself. I didn’t know what came after this however and so I said no more. The end of the world was not far off, I reasoned. We were definitely living in the end times. Events had been foretold, omens had been predicted. Always with the omens, always with the omens. Those terrible, terrible omens. Everything I see foretells my doom… I had learned to sing a little song to keep the world safe and as a result it was now my duty to keep on singing it no matter what. The responsibility for this rested squarely on my shoulders…
“Sing the special song, sing the special song,” I exhorted myself earnestly but my voice was cracked and wheezing. Nothing came out of my mouth apart from a dismal echoey croak. A croak of despair, an impotent croak. A wretchedly feeble croak, a forlorn and lonesome croak. That was the best I could come up with. “Why am I so wretchedly impotent?” I asked myself, out of the depths of my confusion and despair. “Why aren’t I great anymore?” After all, only yesterday I had been a fully-fledged hero. I had been an actual accredited demigod. Only yesterday I had been an ascended spiritual master….
