Following The Official Guidelines

You know that thing where you suddenly gain the crystal clear awareness that the bad thing which you have been fighting against all your life is going to happen any minute now and that there is absolutely nothing you can do about it? That’s such an ineffable moment, isn’t it? It’s supremely ineffable, exquisitely ineffable. Not only that, it’s also because the bad thing that we had always known about but which we have been in denial of for our whole lives so that not only is it the case that we are suddenly confronted with the fact that the bad thing which we’ve been fighting against all our lives is just about to happen, but also that the bad thing which we had conspired against ourselves to forget is now showed itself to be real. Real despite all our ignoring of it, real despite the fact that we have been trying to so very hard but to pretend that it wasn’t there. Talk about ‘an ineffable moment of horror’! Just what are we supposed to do to deal with this terrible awareness, huh? What’s the procedure for this? What are the official guidelines? There are official guidelines for everything after all, so it is only reasonable to ask what they might be in this case. This is kind of important to know, after all! If ever official guidelines were needed then this is it, beyond any shadow of a doubt. Quick, quick, let’s go through the policies and procedures to see what it says about this one; see what we’re supposed to do. Does this constitute an ‘incident’? Do we have to write it up in the Incident Report Book? These are all very valid questions of course – very valid questions indeed! I find myself being overwhelmed by the feelings of intense validity and relevance that now engulf me on all sides. So much relevance, so much validity. It’s practically a religious experience that I’m having here. So much affirmation – who could have believed it? Who could have ever believed that so much affirmation was even possible? Affirmation without end, affirmation without limits. It’s dazzling – it’s a frankly dazzling experience. It’s utterly awesome. It must be like those experiences that people talk of where they accidentally take far too much LSD. Oh my God what a realisation – I’ve taken far too much LSD. Far too much, far too much. You totally misjudged it – you’ve taken enough for a hundred people! When you close your eyes it’s brighter than when you had them closed! It’s too bright and that light is blinding you. It’s causing you pain. It’s frightening you because there’s nowhere to hide when there’s so much light and when it’s brighter inside your own head than anywhere else in the whole universe! Nowhere to hide, nowhere to hide. No possibility of dodging or finding some dark corner to hide in. Some dark comforting little corner. That’s what you want of course – some dark little corner. You’ve got to find one, you’ve got to flee the light for all you’re worth and find yourself some dark crevice to hide yourself in. When you find it you’ll never come out. Hello darkness my old friend, you will sing. Hello darkness, hello darkness. What do any of us know but darkness anyway? What else do we know? What else do we know? ‘I’m following the official guidelines,’ I shout out, ‘I’m following the official guidelines…’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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