‘Oh come on, you dirty fucker,’ I swore at the car in front of me, ‘come on you dirty fucker, come on you dirty fucker, come on you dirty fucker, come on you dirty fucker, come on you dirty fucker, come on you dirty fucker…’ As usual, I was impatient. I was irritated with life in general, I guess you could say. I came across this great phrase the other day: ‘the malice of inanimate objects’. The malice of inanimate objects. This phrase – I have to say – really resonates with me. My version of that concept is where everything always seems to be getting in your way and you’re always tripping over stuff or banging into stuff or finding stuff where you didn’t expect it to be. Everything is against you, basically. Nothing ever goes your way and you would just like to shout ‘Just fuck off would you!’ to the whole world, to absolutely everything. You really do wish it would all fuck off as well – you’re not just joking or letting off steam you really do want the whole physical universe just to FUCK OFF and leave you alone because everything would be so much easier then – the source of all your pain and frustration would be gone! But you don’t carry on like this too long. You can’t carry on like this for too long because it’s just too damn hard! So you reason with yourself, you try to talk yourself around. You rationalise the situation and tell yourself that things aren’t as bad as all that. Who hasn’t been in this situation, after all? Sometimes things work out, sometimes they don’t, you tell yourself. Comme ci comme ca. You have to take with the rough with the smooth. These are the sort of things you tell yourself. You’re looking for some kind of sense in the universe, you see. You’re looking for things to make sense. Not even a lot of sense – just a little bit will do. Just a bit of sense is all you want. Just a little bit. But that doesn’t happen, of course. Naturally it doesn’t happen. That’s when you realise that you dealing with the malice of inanimate objects. You’re dealing first-hand with the malice of inanimate objects and inanimate objects are all there is! What else did you expect to find out there, anyway? It’s all just inanimate objects and so are you. You’re one too. Who’s kidding who anyway? What else did you think you were going to find? You were looking for more. Of course you are looking for more. We’re all looking for more! That doesn’t mean that we’re going to find it though, does it? Just because we want it doesn’t mean that we’re going to find it…
