Spin And Win

I was playing the Spin and Win game. Everyone plays the Spin and Win game – I’m no different to anyone else in this regard. I’m no exception. The Spin and Win game is a bit of a craze these days – everyone is playing it! I just said that, didn’t I? I’m sorry, I’m repeating myself. That’s what happens when you play the game of Spin and Win too much – you become rather forgetful! It takes up too much processing power. Let me start again, let me start again right at the beginning. I was in the world. The world existed – evidently – and I existed in it. I had my place in it, although just what sort of a place that was I wasn’t sure. Some kind of a place, anyway. Consciousness was slowly dawning on me; the warm rays of the sun were thawing my cold, cold brain out. I had just come out of the storage tank. We had all just come out of the storage tank. I was appraising myself of my situation – slowly, not rushing it too much, not wanting to bite off any more than I could chew. I only had small, weak jaws, after all. Consciousness was dawning, consciousness was dawning. I had to be patient. I was trying to appraise what all this meant, but I couldn’t. At this point in time it was proving too much for me. I couldn’t take it all in. I had to thaw my brain out slowly or else I ran the risk of getting the bends, I told myself. This was a bit of a stupid thought, I realised. I had to get back into the decompression chamber in a hurry. As soon as I had this thought I felt myself starting to panic – suppose I had left it too late? That it was only a thought, only a panic thought, only an anxiety thought. It was because I was afraid of being in the world, I knew that much. It was because I didn’t know what it meant to be in the world, as of yet. It had not yet come clear to me. I was in the world, I was in the world and I didn’t want to rush things. All around me people were playing the game. They were playing the Spin and Win game – they were spinning and they were hoping to win. I was taking a break from playing the game. I was all played out. I was all spun out. I had been spinning too much and I couldn’t stop, I realised. I hadn’t been able to stop. But now I had stopped and I was slowly coming back to my senses. I had failed to make it back the decompression in time and now I was in trouble. I had failed to get back to the base in time and now the spaceship had left without me. I had been abandoned and on an alien planet and I had no way of knowing what dangers I might face there. I had no way of knowing if the environment could support me. Someone smiled at me as they walked by and for a moment I didn’t know where I was – I didn’t know if I was on an alien planet or not. They weren’t playing the game either, I realised. They were taking a break, just like me. I wondered if they knew something I didn’t and that was why they were smiling at me. My brain was analysing everything that happened – it hadn’t thawed out yet. Its core was still deadly cold, like a dead planet. It was probably true that they knew something that I didn’t, it occurred to me. It was probably true because I didn’t know anything. Maybe they were smiling because they knew that I didn’t know anything. I didn’t know if this was really the reason, however. I kept getting anxiety thoughts – I kept worrying if I had perhaps been in the decompression chamber too long. There could be errors in the deep structure of reality, I realized. There could be errors concealed where we couldn’t see them in the implicate order of the universe itself. Errors that would one day reveal themselves. The anxiety was now getting a grip on me – perhaps reality was itself an error, it occurred to me. Not for the first time either… Or perhaps it’s me that’s the error and reality is just fine? That thought has occurred to me before as well.






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