The Thing-Like Universe


I had entered into the Thing-Like Universe. I had entered into the Thing-Like Universe and I had become a thing. Obviously. That’s kind of what happens. That’s kind of what happens when you enter the Thing-Like Universe. That’s kind of the point. That’s kind of the point wouldn’t you say? That’s kind of the point wouldn’t you think? You wouldn’t really expect anything else now would you? The possibilities are rather limited here…



It happens as a matter of course and it’s no picnic, I can tell you. No picnic at all. I ask you, what could be worse than being converted ignominiously into a thing? Anyway, regrets notwithstanding, it had happened and I just had to get used to it. That’s what you have to do – you have to get used to being a thing.  I know I’m repeating myself a lot but that’s what it like when you are a thing in the thing-like universe – you keep on repeating yourself. Rejoicing in the fond illusion that every time is the first time! You’ll have to bear with me I’m afraid. There’s not much I can do about it.



There’s not much you can do about anything when you’re a thing in the thing-like universe! It’s a limited situation, obviously. That’s what makes a thing a thing – the fact that it has such a limited repertoire. It’s only a thing. You’re only a thing. You just have to be content to be the type of old thing that you are. You just have to be content to keep on cranking out the same old stuff out. Crank it out boys, crank it out! Keep on cranking it out. That’s the basic gist of it. That’s the long and the short of it. You have to be pretty patient when you’re dealing with a thing. Well, you don’t have to be patient obviously but it won’t do any good being angry and frustrated – that’s not going to help at all. You’re wasting your time. A thing can only ever be the type of thing that it is, that’s its only option. It’s not a very good option but it’s the only one there is.



I can only be the limited way that I am, now that I have been careless enough to let myself fall into the thing-like universe. How careless of me. I can only say the type of things that I say, think the type of things that I think, do the kind of things that I do. I can only keep on recreating the same sort of situations for myself that I always create, over and over again. As if once were not enough…



Doesn’t sound like much fun, does it? And you’re right – it isn’t. It isn’t any fun at all. It’s total crap. It’s rubbish. It’s actually shit. But then the whole point is that, once you’ve been converted into being just another thing in the thing-like universe, there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. That’s the basic point that I’m trying to get across here. That you’re pretty much fucked when you’re a thing in the Thing-Like Universe. Yes sir you are. So there’s nothing else for it but to get on with it as best as you can. You just have to suck it up, as they say. It ain’t pretty but what are you going to do?



But I suppose however that there are factors which serve to cushion the blow somewhat. Make it easier. One of these factors – as I have already said – is that you can’t really remember that you’re repeating yourself the whole time. That’s a blessing. Imagine how tortuous it would be to realize that you’re saying the same things over and over again, thinking and doing the same things over and over again, recreating the same old situations for yourself over and over again! As if once were not enough. And it never is. What a head-fuck that would be! Can you imagine it? That would be so bad. Wouldn’t it?



But we don’t realize it, generally speaking. We’re cushioned from the truth. The truth rarely gets to us. Every time we come out with the terrible old cliché that we always come out with it’s like the first time anyone ever said it! It’s like we’re coming out with a pure gem of originality and wit. Bit of a bloody joke really isn’t it? We’re making clowns of ourselves but no one’s laughing. Bit of a sad old situation really but anyway. It’s a sad old station but what can you do? Who’s counting anyway. You’re a thing alright and no mistake but you don’t know it. You’ll never know it. How can a thing ‘know that it’s a thing’? That’s impossible – a thing doesn’t have to capacity to get outside of itself so that it can see that. There’s lots of capacities it doesn’t have. There’s an infinite amount of capacities that it doesn’t have. When you’re a thing in the Thing-Like Universe ‘knowing that you’re a just a thing’ isn’t really part of your repertory…






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