I Had Created The Fear World

That’s all kind of basic stuff, right? Real basic. Super basic. We all understand that. We’ve all got to the point where we understand that. You just have to take it one step at a time. I’d associate that type of thinking with the worm brain – you hear a lot about the reptile brain these days and not so much about the worm brain but it’s there, trust me. It’s there all right. I can hear it talking to me sometimes only it doesn’t really talk as such but just create feeling-tones that can make you feel uneasy. I feel uneasy right now, actually – come to think of it I feel as uneasy as hell. I feel like I’m on a trip but I can’t be because I haven’t taken anything that would have that effect. I’m not on any entheogens you might care to mention, in other words. I’m not having an entheogenic experience, more of a data-processing crisis. As I prefer to call it.

 

Some would call it a psychosis but I don’t like that word – I’ve never liked that word. A nasty old world – how is anyone ever supposed to feel good about having a psychotic experience? How can you relate to a psychosis in a friendly chilled-out fashion? Yeah that’s OK it’s just a bit of an old psychosis that’s all. Totally cool. The word also shoe-horns you into believing the data you’re receiving isn’t actually real and it is. It’s very real. There’s a lot of auditory stuff going on. Strange noises keep bubbling up in the back of my head – soupy gloopy noises. Like there’s something very thick on the boil. But now that I pay attention to it I can discern that it’s not in my head it out there somewhere. Wherever out there is. Out there no longer makes any sense to me…

 

I was afraid and so I wanted to create the Fear World. I wanted to create the Fear World so that I could seal myself off in it and spend many years of virtual time in it. Suffering the pangs of fear that would attend me wherever I went, whatever I did. I didn’t though. I didn’t create the fear world even though I wanted to. Something in me knew better than to do this. I have learned not to create the Fear World and this is at least one thing that I can say that I have learned as a result of my experiences – I have learned not to create Fear Worlds, I have learned not to create a fear-based virtual reality for myself! It’s all small steps isn’t it? Rome wasn’t built in a day.

 

I know I say that I’ve learned this very important lesson but needless to say I can’t rely on this. What has been learned one day can equally well be forgotten the next. It doesn’t do to get cocksure about these things. I remember very well what it was like all those years ago when I used to create the Fear World for myself all the time. When I used to create it on a regular basis. It wasn’t good… I don’t want to say any more about it than this – no one wants to know anyway. It just makes people uncomfortable when I talk about it. It makes them uneasy and they want to get away from you. It embarrasses them.

 

I was afraid so I created the Fear World which was a self-cancelling world. Let me explain – I was afraid and so I created the Fear World. There’s nothing in it but fear. It’s an involutionary experience – once you start retreating from reality then you can’t ever stop, can you? Isn’t that the way it is? Stopping isn’t part of this world. That’s the logic of the situation and you are obliged to obey it. One is always obliged to obey the logic of the situation – what else is there to go on, after all? It may not be much but it’s all you’ve got…

 

It’s all a big joke but you never hear anyone joking. Reality itself lets you down in the end. Only it isn’t really reality. You’ll never hear anyone laughing in the Fear World because it’s all so very serious! There are no light-hearted moments in the Fear World, no little ironies to smile at. The Fear World is a self-cancelling world as I was just saying – it cancels itself out every time. You do and you don’t. You will and you won’t. It’s great but it’s terrible. You’re my best friend but you’re also my worst enemy. It’s the Duplex World and nothing’s ever what it seems in the Duplex World. Nothing is ever anything in the Duplex World! Nothing is ever anything because everything always cancels itself out. That’s the joke really. The joke is that everything eats itself. You eat yourself! Everything always eats itself here because this is the Self-Devouring World…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.