My Mind Went into a Frenzy

Christmas Party

My mind went into a frenzy trying to simulate the Ineffable Voidness but it fell short. It did more than just fall short – it came a cropper. It over-stretched itself. It ran headfirst into a brick wall at a tremendous pace and that was that. It ran slap bang into a brick wall and boy did that hurt! Ouch! I can tell you that really did hurt. It did more than just hurt it reversed on me and pulled me kicking and screaming into a world of darkness and despair. That’s what you get for trying to simulate Ineffable Voidness – you find yourself yanked unceremoniously into some kind of grim hell-world in a high velocity rebound. It’s elasticated. Your feet don’t even touch the ground! Everything’s just a blur – you don’t even know how you got there. All you know is that you are there. Only you don’t even know that because you can’t really know anything properly in the rebound hell-world. You can’t know anything because your mind is too busy cringing away from the pain. It’s a mind cringe. Your mind is distorted from trying to escape the pain and so you can no longer see anything for what it is. Everything is distorted – your mind is distorted and so are you because you are your mind. You are living in the mind-world that you have created, the mind-world which is your way of trying to escape from the pain of hell. Only you can’t escape you can only cringe, you can only flinch from the pain and then everything gets twisted and distorted and you’re living in a twisted distorted world but you can’t see the distortion. You can’t see it because you’ve become adapted to it so that now it’s the only world you know, the only world you can imagine. You can’t ever see beyond it. This is the world where everything is always twisted because you’re always straining to avoid a type of pain that you won’t allow yourself to know about. You won’t let yourself know what it is you’re trying so hard to avoid. When you do manage to (temporarily) avoid the pain that’s called pleasure and you keep looking for more and more of the stuff because it feels so good. You love this stuff so much. Looking for pleasure is what it’s all about in the fantasy escape realm of the runaway mind. Looking for pleasure looking for pleasure looking for pleasure looking for pleasure looking for pleasure looking for pleasure all the time. Searching for it, hunting for it, scheming for it, fighting for it. competing for it, screwing people over for it. Pleasure too is only a simulation at the end of the day though and the price for pleasure is that everything rebounds on you like a bucket of shit thrown into a fan and the next thing is that you get pulled into an even worse hell-world than before – you get yanked into a hell-world that is so bad that it makes the hell you were trying to escape from look like some kind of a Christmas Cocktail Party…









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