plastic people

There’s a new type of a virus out there in the internet. Quite an ingenious one, I must say. Ingenious but very malevolent. Deeply malevolent, I would say. It’s a virus that interferes with reality. A virus that replicates a degraded version of reality. A viralizer. It has definitely had rather a severe and debilitating impact on my life so I think it is important that I tell my story – if it helps just one person then it has been worth it me writing it down here. Worth the effort in me trying to get it out there. If you can be bothered to read it, that is. Which – let’s face it – you probably can’t…


I first came across the viralizer when I went into Facebook on my laptop. I went into FB and I started checking out what was going on there, checking out what my FB friends had posted, checking out my newsfeed, checking out if I had been tagged, checking out whether anyone had liked any of my posts, the usual type of stuff. What I didn’t realize was that I hadn’t logged into FB at all but a hyper-aggressive viral imposter of FB, a malignant viral version of FB that had infected my laptop. This replicant FB virus took my identity. It took everything about me – all my personal information, my profile, my friends, everything. It sucked me dry. It reached into my Google account, my Microsoft account, my Twitter account, my Yahoo account, my Amazon account, the lot. It screwed me over big time. But that wasn’t the end of it. Actually, it was only the beginning. Once the virus had extracted all my information it took it to the next level. It went on to viralize still further – it went on to replicate all the other, non-FB aspects of my life too. It replicated a whole viral universe based on the information that it had extracted from me. It recreated the entire universe in viral form and substituted itself – as slick as you please – for the real thing…


So the next morning when I woke up and went downstairs to make myself a cup of tea as I always do this never actually happened. I never went downstairs and I never made a cup of tea. I only thought I did. What had actually happened was that I had woken up in the viral universe instead and never noticed the switch. I had woken up in a false universe, a phoney reality. And I never noticed a thing, I just carried on as usual, doing all the sorts of things I usually do. I suppose the signs had been there, if I had bothered to look. If I had actually bothered to pay attention. That’s just the problem though – when you get sucked up into a false universe you never do look to carefully, you never do see the warning signs. That’s just human nature, I guess…


People don’t generally seem to get it when you start going on about false universes or false realities. One guy even told me that ‘false reality’ was an oxymoron! Everyone’s a smart-ass, right? What an idiot. That’s what seems to be important in life – whether you can make smartass comments or not. Whether you can show how clever you are not. Nothing else counts. People like the smartass who said this don’t realize that there are false universes everywhere. They don’t realize that everywhere you go there are false realities waiting to snap you up. And you’ll never know. You’ll never have a clue. You’ll never know because you’ll be too busy trying to be clever. You’ll carry on being a smartass dickhead same as always…


Anyway, getting sucked up into a false universe, a viral universe without ever copping it wasn’t the end of it. Not by any means. What happened next was that the virus continued to viralize like a salt grinder grinding salt. It never stopped grinding. It never stopped viralizing and the next thing was that it produced a viral simulation of me to live in the viral simulation of the universe. So then without me ever suspecting anything – without me ever spotting the switch taking place – what happened was that there was a viral version of me living in the viral version of the world, a false me living in a false world. No reality left. It was all just the virus.


There’s no way that the false me was ever going to suspect that there was anything wrong. How could it? I was screwed at this stage. The virus had me. This was end-stage. Viralization complete.


Only there was a twist. Obviously there was a twist. If there wasn’t then I wouldn’t be writing this now. This story would never get told. The twist was that the viral universe was ruled by entropy and this meant that it kept on deteriorating. It deteriorated and deteriorated. It degraded and degraded. A corrupted version of the false me living in a corrupted version of the false universe. Bad copies of a bad copy. A real piss-take. Eventually it just got too bad. It got too crappy. It got too crassly repetitive. Too much of a piss-take.


I came back to myself eventually but a long time had gone by. I don’t want to say how long. The best years of my life gone. Wasted in viral living. The false viral me living my simulated life in the false viral universe. What a joke. What a waste. What a piss-take. Anyway, that’s my story, for what it’s worth. I don’t suppose it’s worth very much. I don’t imagine anyone actually gives a damn.







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