Sorrow Stabbed Me In The Heart

Some people don’t like to do things by halves, but I do. I always do things by halves. I wouldn’t know any other way. That’s just the way I’m built. For example, sometimes I write a sentence but never bother to complete it. Sometimes I do that. I get bored halfway through you see, it suddenly seems all so pointless and I give it up as a bad job. I turn on my heel and walk away mid-sentence. This happens to me all the time – sometimes I’ve only just started doing something and the next thing I know I’m overwhelmed by these crushing feelings of futility and pointlessness. Needless to say, I don’t get very far with what I was about to do. It’s hard to make progress. That’s not the point I’m trying to make however. I am going off-topic. I am wondering in my mind…


Sometimes I can’t help wondering if we’re not all part of some kind of crazy, ridiculous ‘dumb competition’ – in other words, a competition in which generous prizes are handed out to those of us who contrive to be the dumbest! That would explain a lot, wouldn’t it? “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the dumbest of them all?” we ask, according to the age-old ritual. “Things were ever thus, and thus they shall ever be”, we say, in keeping with the rules and edicts that govern all human interaction. “Thus it ever was and thus it ever shall be…” we say, glibly.


Sometimes I write a sentence and I don’t even bother to put any sense into it. That’s how lazy I am! And then the next thing of course is that I’m wondering if anyone will spot it. Will I be caught out? I’m a bit worried by that possibility – will they spot it, or will they simply assume that it’s just too deep for them? It’s hard to gauge, really…


None of that has anything to do with the point I’m trying to make, however. None of that stuff could ever be the point. I’m stuck in my dumb and stupid mind you see, and I’m having a great old time. I’m having one heck of a good time. I’m having a laugh a minute. “This is the bloody life”, I say to myself, “I’m stuck fast in my dumb and stupid mind, having a great old time…”


Sometimes I can’t help wondering, sometimes I can’t help wondering. Wouldn’t you, if you were in my shoes? I know that I’m having a great time and all of that, but I can’t help wandering all the same. Wondering if perhaps I’m not being taken for a ride. Life is full of subtle nuances, isn’t it, and one such nuance is “Am I being taken for a ride?”


Maybe we shouldn’t be calling that a nuance, however. Maybe that’s not quite the right term. It’s a bit more ominous than that, after all. A lot more ominous than that. More like a note of pure paranoia! A pure, pure note of undiluted paranoia, ringing out through the hideous clatter and chaos of a wasted life. Ringing out most clearly and unmistakably, should I say? You know the sort of thing I mean, of course. Of that I have no doubt. You would hardly be here reading this otherwise, would you!


“Is there any type of interaction”, I find myself wondering, “that is not predicated upon avarice, and the violence that avarice breeds?” I felt sad immediately upon thinking this thought – I felt deeply, deeply sad (and this – I don’t mind telling you – is unusually deep for me). I don’t usually have deep emotions. The truth was evident as soon as I asked this question, you might say. The truth shone out like a light – is this not the way with the truth, after all? The truth shone out like a light and sorrow immediately stabbed me in the heart.




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