Cruising in my motorcade, I stopped to enjoy the view. Only there was no motorcade, and there was no view – only the rush of unreality in my ears.
‘Where am I going, and what will I have to do when I get there?’ I asked myself, but the words were mechanical, without meaning. I had said them before ten billion times or more.
My lips spoke the words that they were always going to speak, my feet took the steps they had no choice but to take. I was a slave to powers I could not understand. ‘Such was ever the way’, I intoned portentously, ‘such was ever the way…’ This was the limit to the wisdom I was able to draw upon, you see; this was the very limit and to go beyond it was not within my power.
A lot of things were not within my power, I realised then. I was no longer the Omniscient Being that I had previously known myself to be – I was now only a perfectly normal or average ego. Possibly – and I hate to admit this – I was only a below-average ego, an underachieving ego. This was very galling, I don’t mind telling you. I really do find this very hard to deal with. My lips were speaking the all-important words but the words weren’t true; the words had stopped being true and I’d never noticed. I’d carried on just the same. I had carried on just the same and now I was in serious trouble.
My lips were speaking the all-important words of truth, but no one would listen to me. They knew I was always telling lies – they knew that very well. My reputation precedes me. I am the Redundant Man – I can’t be original, not even for a second, no matter how hard I try. I am the Second-Hand Man – I only ever think other people’s thoughts. ‘Tell me what to think,’ I beg, ‘just tell me what to think and I’ll think it…’ I am the Indoctrinated Man – I shout out state slogans all day long. I’m hoarse from shouting them out, I’m blue in the face from it.
One moment I was the Omniscient Being that I was in Eternity, the next a gobshite of the very worst sort, a jerk and a Jackass. My consciousness is enslaved by the Big Ugly Algorithm, which all men curse. The Big Ugly Algorithm that metes out brutal suffering to humankind, as regular as a metronome. That’s the way it goes – that’s the way it goes and there’s nothing you or I can do about it!
My destiny was urging me ever onwards. I could feel it quite distinctly. Throughout the course of my life I have felt my destiny by my side – pushing me forwards, never allowing me to rest. It was like a restless, compelling presence beside me, prodding me viciously whenever I grew too lazy. It all came to nothing in the end, of course – it was all some kind of mistake.
