Suspicious people are always very suspicious – that’s one thing that I’ve learned. They always have this suspicious look to them; anything new they are always going to be very suspicious of and especially new people, people they have never seen before. Nothing makes suspicious people more suspicious than people who they’ve never seen before! Suspicious people are always extremely suspicious of people they don’t know – this is a well-known trait of theirs. Possibly it’s their best-known trait. They’re eaten up with suspicion about them.

Suspicious people always look at you in that suspicious old way of theirs, don’t there? No matter where you might go in the world suspicious people are always the same – that’s one thing I’ve learned, anyway. That sure is one thing I’ve learned. Some people might say that I haven’t learned very many things really given the length of time that I have been here participating (albeit in a very minor way and with the greatest reluctance) in the affairs of this world, and that may be true. I’ll grant you that much. I won’t contest it. One thing I have learned however is that suspicious people are the same the world over. You can bet your bottom dollar on that one.

It’s the way they look at you, isn’t it? That funny suspicious old way of theirs. It’s a bit like what they say about cats – you know that thing people sometimes say about cats (possibly in jest, admittedly) – they say that all the cats in the world are actually just the one cat. One cat pretending to be lots of cats, so to speak. A multiplying cat. So, in the same way, I would like to tentatively suggest – although not too tentatively, you understand – that all the suspicious people in the world are actually the same person. He or she gets about a lot you see. Suspicious people also have an uncanny knack for omni-translocation, if that’s the word I’m looking for. They can break the laws of physics, as these laws are commonly understood, by ‘being everywhere’. How cool is that?

But what’s the point, you might ask, in this universal suspicious person multi-translocating themselves all over the globe? Isn’t this somewhat undignified, to say the least? Here he comes again folks, he’s watching you in that suspicious way of his, for all the world as if he’s never seen a stranger before in his entire life. He’s playing his part in the comedy you see and that’s what we find it so hard to understand. He’s playing his part just as we all are. The good thing about talking purely in stereotypes is that everyone can immediately understand you, wouldn’t you say? That’s the advantage, that’s the beauty of it. Or at least they think they understand you. They fondly imagine that they understand what you’re saying and at the same time you fondly imagine that you understand what you have just said. What an illusion, huh? What a hoot. What a desperately poignant state of affairs. The desperate poignancy of the human situation, right? It’s completely staggering really; completely and utterly staggering. The human situation, I mean. Is it a joke, or is it a perhaps just a joke? Or maybe it’s only a joke…

Ignorance is omni-locational – that’s the point we’re looking at here, I think. Ignorance in the commonly used sense of the word, that is – as in ‘ignorant people with their ignorant ways’. Suppose all the ignorant folk in the world were just the one ignorant person. Did you ever think of that? Maybe you know him? You probably do of course. Of course you do. We all do. Excuse me while I translocate across the planet and manifest as a complete dick somewhere else too! As if one location wasn’t enough. This isn’t just the province of the enlightened you see. That’s my point right there. Ignorant folk can do it too – they do it all the time, in fact. They don’t ever not do it…