Tired of feeling tired all the time? Angry about being constantly cantankerous and bad-tempered? Stressed out by the terrible relentless stress that you’re under every day? If so take Euphoromax™! You’ll still be tired, you’ll still be angry, and you’ll still be stressed out, but you’ll be so euphoric that you simply won’t give a shit!
Maxed out on Euphoromax™? It’s a sign of the times isn’t it? It’s the shape of things to come. It’s the spirit of the age. What can we do though – we are small helpless pre-programmed creatures, when it comes down to it. Slaves to the Hive Mind. Slaves to the relentless advertising jingles that are constantly running through our heads. Slaves to the need to conform to a craven collective of ass-sucking conformists. Jockeying for position so as to obtain the maximum amount of approval from all the others. The collusion will raise you up and it will also cast you down right down again. So it was written, in the place that they write these things. We are slaves to the need to try to find meaning in a world that was designed specifically to nullify and disempower us. Try that one out for size!
Feeling frustrated and demoralised? Take Hedonothril™, guaranteed to put a big stupid smile on your face no matter what your circumstances. Grin like an idiot every day. Do you find yourself waking up in the morning with the horrors from a chance encounter with your unconscious? Never mind – reach for a handy bottle of Amnesiolax™ on your bedside locker and you’re guaranteed instant relief. It clears you out and wipes your memory all in the one go. The perfect way to begin a new day!
The shape of things to come, right? Was there ever a species as diabolocially inventive as a human race, I wonder? Was there ever. Even in the days of Atlantis did they ever have a patch on us? The human species rules supreme; we are as tricky as they come – the eel hasn’t been born that is as slippery as we are. It’s no wonder that all the aliens are afraid to come anywhere near us! Those lads aren’t stupid, you know. We have a genius for shitting in our own nest so we do – we’re as perverse as bedamned. We taught the devil everything he knows…
There’s more to life than popping pills and buying pointless junk on line of course. I recognise that. I think it’s fair to say that we all recognize that. There is also the essential existential challenge of life, for example. That’s the big one you know. Bigger than all the rest. Bigger than you might imagine, I’d say. What we do about that, do you think? What do we do about the essential existential challenge of life? Answers on a postcard please…
Or we could just cheat and Google it. There are tutorials on YouTube I believe. Possibly there is a special diet. Maybe yoga can help. I don’t know. It’s always possible I suppose. Probably there is a slick talking asshole with his own YouTube channel who can give us some handy tips on that one. Some slick smooth-talking asshole absolutely brimming over with confidence and full of all the latest trendy terminology. If that doesn’t solve the essential existential challenge then nothing will, for God sake! If that doesn’t work then you might as well give up, as far as I’m concerned. You might as well take up golf or something.
Life can be tricky and we all know it. It’s fair to say this I think. It’s fair enough to say this. Life’s tricky enough. There are big questions that need to be addressed. The biggest questions, the ones I won’t go away. Like ‘What should we do in life and why?’ That’s a tough one, I think you’ll agree. One hell of a tough one. For thousands of years religious leaders have appeared to tell us the answer. ‘Do the thing,’ they have told us. ‘That’s the answer.’ Keep on doing the thing. Keep on doing the thing because God will kick your ass real bad if you don’t. They tell us. They love to tell us to ‘do the thing’, these religious leaders – they’re practically foaming at the mouth!
So we do the thing. We keep on doing the thing, and at the same time we keep on fighting back any doubts that we might have about whether the thing really is the thing. Because ‘the thing’ is pretty dumb when you think about it. Pretty bloody dumb altogether. It’s as dumb as shit. It’s as dumb as the day is long and I think we would all have to agree with that! That’s why we have to be constantly battling against these old doubts. We have to keep on battling like heroes because these are the doubts that never go away, aren’t they? These are the doubts that never ever go away. Damn right they won’t ever go away…
