‘Eyes on the prize now, eyes on the prize,’ says the leering game show host as the magic wheel begins to turn again. You don’t need to be told though – the eyes are bugging right out of your head. They’re about to pop right out. You’re forgetting to breathe you’re so excited.
You’re in the game show of your own mind, you’re in the game show of your own life. The wheel is turning and your eyes are out on stalks so they are. They are popping out like you wouldn’t believe. You’re totally agog – you can’t wait to see what happens next.
I created the self again only this time it was by accident. I never meant to do it. I felt my heart sink and grow heavy within me. Heavy, so heavy. As heavy as lead. Ahead of me lay nothing but misery and I knew that well. Grey misery, leaden misery. Endless oppressive misery. The misery of the self.
The game show host was hitting his stride. Lurid jacket and lurid tie. Lurid shirts. Lurid personality. Lurid everything. Coming out with all the cheesy comments. Cheesy as you please. Great big old fake smile and non-stop bullshit. The game was on!
As for me, I was totally elated! I was wildly elated – whatever little bit of sense I might have possessed before, it was gone now. Gone without a trace, gone without leaving any sort of residue. It’s no good looking for a residue because you won’t find one. I was bouncing off the walls; I was beside myself with pointless excitement.
I was talking nine-to-the-dozen. Talking to anyone who would listen to me. Talking to people wouldn’t listen to me. Talking to myself. Talking to the wall. Talking to everyone about all the bullshit that was going through my head. Spluttering and spitting. Spraying my audience with saliva. Yapping my dumb head right off. My dumb, dumb head…
‘Hey Dude’, I called out to a complete stranger, accosting him on the street, John to hear about all the bull said that is going through my head?’ Hey dude, hey Dude. Listen to this right. Listen to the hideous bullshit that pouring never-ending torrents of my pure exhausting brain. That terrible, terrible bullshit. That god-awful bullshit…
The rich are getting richer on our poverty, whilst we – the poor – grow ever more impoverished as result of their pathological wealth. And this is always the way isn’t it? The voracious bloated rich, feeding upon the emaciated bodies of the poor.
And do you know what? The whole time they are praising themselves and exalting themselves on account of their vast wealth, whilst the poor are roundly castigated for the lack of industry and initiative, and their general indolent attitude. Such is the way of the world, such is the way of the world. Injustice rises up strong all around us and true virtue is all but extinguished.
Words leave their mouths in great profusion, endless rivers of worthless words. Self-serving words, self-validating words. An endless river of self-validation. How can anyone possibly argue with that? How can anyone ever break into that closed circuit of toxic self-deception? Injustice is glorified whilst virtue is scorned on all sides and derided as a sign of weakness, derided as a sign of deplorable moral slackness.