It’s King Noodle-Doodle, I told myself in a trance, and I ran full pelt down the corridor. ‘It’s King Noodle-Doodle!’ I told myself. I was in a trance, I was confused. I no longer had the right words. I was in a deep dark place. I didn’t know that I was confused, I didn’t know that I was in a dark place. I didn’t know what I was doing – I was running here and running there. I thought I was having good time, laughing hysterically as I went, and making up strange little songs that only I could understand….
Is it wrong to be wrong, I wondered? Is it wrong not to be right? Is it wrong to be the way that I am? Is it wrong to be asking questions all the time? I was in a dark place, realised. I was always in a dark place. I didn’t know any other place to be; I didn’t understand any other way of being. I didn’t know that there was any other way of being. Pictures came into my head but I couldn’t understand what they meant; deep timeless memories flooded me, but they weren’t really mine.
When we feed, what do we feed on? What type of energies do we like to consume? Do we like to feed on the darkness, on the trapped negative emotions of others? Is this wrong of us? Or perhaps it is the other way around – perhaps other people like to feed on us on our despair, on our fear, on our hopelessness, on our corrosive bitterness? And they wrong to do this or do we deserve it?
I was in a trance. I was talking to everyone I met. I couldn’t talk quickly enough – I had so much to say! I wanted to tell them all about King Noodle-Doodle. I wanted everyone to know about King Noodle-Doodle! I was so excited that I could hardly get the words out. ‘It’s King Noodle-Doodle,’ I told everyone – ‘he’s here!’ But no one could hear me, no one took any notice. They were all on the other side of the glass wall. I could see their lips move but I didn’t know what they were saying. I was no longer in their world.
I was deep in the Noodle-Doodle trance, I was deep in the territory. I had gone back into some kind of prehistory; I had tunnelled back into some earlier version of my brain. There were no thoughts. All the thoughts were gone, only the world was left – the hot sun above and the intense green of the vegetation on either side of me. I was stumbling down an overgrown track, making my way down the hillside. There were no thoughts. I didn’t have the words to explain anything anymore. I knew that I knew something but I didn’t know what it was.
There were no thoughts, just a strong feeling that I wasn’t really there. Something didn’t make sense, there was something that I couldn’t understand. My senses were so uncannily acute – that moment was etched into my memory with a haunting intensity. I knew that it would never leave me, and at the same time I also knew that I wasn’t really there. There were no words…