My mind degenerated in an instant and I fell through the crack in the floorboards into the netherworld beneath. Great suffering was mine then. Great suffering was what was waiting for me underneath the creaking floorboards of the everyday world. Great suffering exists there in that secret subterranean world, great suffering that no one will ever admit to knowing about. They won’t admit to knowing about it even if you ask them outright. You’re not allowed to talk about it. No one wants to talk about it…
That’s what happens when your mind all of a sudden decays – the floorboards that everyone else walks quite safely on will no longer hold you and you will find yourself in the murky darkness of the stinking netherworld. You can hear people walking up and down above your head, the floorboards creaking ever so slightly under their weight. You can hear them walking up and down and up and down; you might even catch the occasional snatch of conversation but it means nothing to you. It couldn’t mean less. What could it mean anyway? What relevance could it possibly have to you when you’re down there in the netherworld that no one wants to know about? Which they wouldn’t understand even if you went right up to them and told them about it. Which you can’t anyway because you don’t have the words for it. There are no words for it…
Would you want to know about the netherworld that lies beneath the creaking floorboards of the world of everyday life? Of course you wouldn’t. Don’t pretend that you would want to know be because I know you wouldn’t. You won’t fool me for a minute. Oh yes tell me about the netherworld you say, your eyes darting furtively around as you look for an escape. Sure, tell me all about it you say as you make a mental note to scrupulously avoid me in the future. That’s very interesting you say as your mind switches off completely and your eyes turn as blank as a brick wall…
Why would you want to know, for God’s sake? It’s not nice to know. It’s not nice at all but that’s what happens when your mind decays on the spot and you get sucked up into the underworld. It’s not nice being me, I want to tell people, but I know they don’t want to know. Eyes looking studiously the other way. Footsteps quickening as they walk on past. Keen to continue their lives undisturbed, untroubled by any talk of the netherworld. Developing a sudden interest in being somewhere else. Oh look, there’s John and Sarah! Let’s go and see what they have to say. Something fascinating, I’ll be bound. Something absolutely riveting, without a doubt…
Was there ever anything as unworthy of attention as this netherworld of unspeakable suffering, I think? Was there ever? It’s not nice being me, I want to say, but no one wants to hear. No one’s interested. Everyone is walking off, each in their own direction. Something interesting ahead. Oh look! It’s not nice being me. It’s not nice being me. It’s not nice being me. It’s not nice being me. It’s not nice being me. It’s not nice being me. It’s not nice being me. It’s not nice being me. It’s not nice being me. It’s not nice being me. It’s not nice being me. It’s not nice being me. It’s not nice being me. It’s not nice being me. It’s not nice being me…
