Deep Down I’m Yearning For Other Things

yearningfull

My mind is keeping me prisoner. It won’t let me do the things that I want to do. It keeps on making me do the things that I think I want to do, the things that it says I want to do. It makes me do these things over and over again. Over and over again forever. It never lets me stop doing them – it tells me that I like doing them. It tells me I’m having fun. That’s what my life is like these days. I’m trapped in my life and I can’t get out. I’m trapped in a life I don’t like. I hate my life but I don’t know that I don’t know that I hate it. I’m trapped in a life that is no good to anyone, least of all me.

 

Deep down I’m yearning for other things. I’m yearning so bad it hurts. I’m yearning so much that it makes me sad. Something inside me is so very sad. I’m yearning for the things that my mind won’t let me do, for the places it won’t let me go, the things it won’t let me say. My mind won’t even let me know that I want to do them. Or that I want to go somewhere else, anywhere else, anywhere that isn’t here. My mind won’t let me know that I’m yearning – it tells me that I’m happy. It tells me that I’m having a great time. It tells me that I’m having a good life, that I’m doing all the right things. That I’m doing all the cool things.

 

I believe what my mind tells me. I always believe what my mind tells me – I can’t help believing it. I believe it without question. It tells me what to believe and I believe it. It telling me what to believe is the same thing as me believing it. I don’t know how not to believe what my mind tells me – I don’t have the knack. I don’t have that ability. My mind prevents me from realizing that there’s such a possibility as not believing it. That’s a prohibited awareness, a prohibited possibility.

 

My mind tells me that I’m doing fine. It tells me that I’m doing cool stuff and that I’m having a great life. But deep down I’m sad; I’m sad and I don’t know that I’m sad. I have no way of knowing because my mind will never tell me. My mind tells me I’m having a great time but deep down I’m yearning for other things. Stupid things, dumb things. Silly things. Things my mind won’t let me know about.

 

 

 

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