Vicious Circle


I was full of despair so I turned against myself. I internalized that despair, I turned it all in on myself. I took it out on myself because I didn’t know what else to do. I used it as a weapon to hurt myself. I was full of despair so I destroyed myself. I annihilated my own being. The subsequent lack of being caused me to be even more despairing than before so I attacked myself all over again. I destroyed myself all over again. I doubly annihilated my own being. This vicious circle went on and on, around and around, over and over again until eventually I turned into an evil spirit. And that’s it. That’s my story. That’s how I became an evil spirit…


“Well,” you may ask, “How’s that working out for you? What’s it like being an evil spirit? Is it any Craic?” I suppose your curiosity is warranted. It’s reasonable enough. I can’t blame you for wanting to know. Everyone wants to know what it’s like to be an evil spirit. Well, there’s not much to it really – I don’t exactly do a hell of a lot when it comes right down to it. Mainly I just hang around places generating bad energy, creating a sinister atmosphere. I hang around brooding darkly. I frequent the lower astrals. From time to time I snack on people’s negative emotions. Their fears, jealousies, greed and their anger. Their mean-mindedness. Their malice and their petty resentments. That sort of stuff. Plenty of nibbles to be had there!


And every now and again I get to dine on something more substantial. Something special! Something out of the ordinary. Sometimes I egg people on. I encourage them to let loose; I secretly urge them to fulfil the darker side of their nature. I urge them to feed their addictions  – which comes down to feeding me! I milk the poor saps like dairy cows for their high-grade negativity. I drain them dry and use them up. I leave the empty, burnt-out husks of people behind me and move on looking for fresh fodder…


And the good thing is that I’m no longer full of despair. All that despair is gone now. Instead, I’m full of infinite malice for all living things. Of which I am not one. The malice I feel is incalculable, inexhaustible. Even if I lived for a million years (which is quite feasible) I would not get to the bottom of it. I am that infinite malice, which makes for a remarkable uncomplicated life. Although I am using the term ‘life’ in somewhat an ironic fashion here, as you might imagine. It’s not so much that I am living some kind of a life as ‘an evil spirit’ as much as I’m frozen into a posture of absolute hatred for life. I’m locked into this attitude – there’s nothing I could do to change this rigid ‘anti-life’ stance of mine even if I wanted to. Which I don’t because I don’t possess the capacity to question myself or reflect upon my situation. I just have to ‘go with it’ wherever it takes me. Which probably isn’t going to be a very good place, although that too isn’t something I think about particularly much. Not having the capacity to reflect much on stuff.


So, as I have said, this ‘change of status’ of mine represents a distinct improvement! Things are looking up. I’m being ironic again here by the way. Just in case you hadn’t picked up on that…




Image: Vicious Cycle Alternate Take by Raikujo5021



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