In the year 2046 a disease caused by a pathogen designated Pseudoprotein QBZ1074 swept the world. This hitherto unknown pathogen first appeared in the great hospitals of the developed nations. These hospitals provided the ideal environment for the incubation and transmission of the disease and it passed on from there into all the major centres of population within a matter of months. The effect of this highly unusual iatrogenic illness was to drastically simplify and rigidify the neural pathways of those infected, causing a unique form of degenerative neuropathy via the straightforward disease-mechanism of substituting the pseudoprotein pathogen for kinesin-2 protein in the dendrites of brain cells found in the cerebral cortex and amygdala. The effect of this disease mechanism was to turn viable human beings into rudimentary zombie-like ‘pseudo-humans’ who were capable only of repeating certain basic behavioural responses, a vastly simplified type of human being known in popular parlance as ‘Nerfs’. Nerfs outnumbered their human counterparts by a factor of roughly 1000:1. Whilst retaining some abilities such as watching TV, using tablets and mobile phones, and accessing social media sites, Nerfs did not have the basic sense to survive unaided and this mass outbreak of helplessness precipitated a huge crisis in society. The health services responded to this unparalleled crisis by creating huge armies of auxiliary, genetically-modified non-human healthcare staff referred to as ‘handlers’. What follows is the story of one such handler. It is my story.