The Winner Script

Life-coaching-puts-you-on-the-right-path

I was trying to validate my ego. No man I’m cool I said, not speaking to anyone in particular. The words just sort of came out. No man I’m cool no man I’m cool I’m cool I’m cool I’m cool. I’m cool I’m cool I’m cool. I nodded my head in energetic agreement with myself. I’m cool. I’m cool man. Don’t you worry about me…

 

I still didn’t feel any better. All that positive self-talk wasn’t helping at all. If anything I felt worse – I felt worse because I felt like some kind of a dumb lame-ass. I felt worse than a dumb lame-ass – that wouldn’t have been too bad. That would have been OK. That would have been fine. I didn’t feel like a dumb-ass  – I felt like a freak.

 

No man I’m fine I’m cool I’m cool I’m cool I’m cool nothing wrong with me what are you looking at me for I jabbered nervously. The weird freaky positive self-talk kept coming out my mouth. I’m cool I’m cool I’m cool I’m cool. What’s your problem what are looking at me for you knobhead? I had to do something to validate my ego quickly I realized. I was going downhill fast and I had to do something about it. I had to stop myself unravelling. I had to snap out of it. I had to pull myself together before it was too late…

 

I threw on some clothes and a pair of designer shades and left the house. Stepping out of the front door into the street I felt good. I had my Levis on, my leather biker jacket and some expensive aftershave. I’m cool I’m cool I’m cool. I said to myself as I walked down the street to the bus stop. No problem with me I’m cool I’m cool I’m cool I’m cool. A bunch of children playing on the side of the road looked across at me curiously. I’m cool I’m cool I’m cool. I carried on walking, quickening my step.

 

I had felt momentarily good stepping out of the house with my shades and my leather jacket but it didn’t last. It had only been a temporary fix. It had only lasted a minute or two at most. I’m cool man I’m cool I said under my breath trying to get a grip. Get a grip get a grip get a grip I told myself. Why did everything have to be so fucking hard?  Life just wasn’t fair I thought for the millionth time that day.

 

I got to the bus stop, having definitely lost my cool at this stage. They were a few people waiting there. They were looking over at me. Wondering what was wrong with me no doubt. No man I’m cool, I blurted out. I’m cool I’m cool I’m cool. I just needed to validate my ego I realized, then I’d be fine. It had taken a bit of a battering, a bit of a knock. I just need a bit of positive validation. I needed to be reading from the winner script not the loser script. I needed to get rid of the all self-doubt that was holding me back. All that negativity.

 

What are looking at me for I muttered under my breath. What’s wrong with you. I’m cool I’m cool I’m cool. I’m cool man. What’s your problem. What are you looking at me for you fuckers. I’m cool man. I just needed to remember to keep on reading from the winner script. That’s all. That was the key. Not let all this self-doubt get a hold on me…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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