Free Advice


If you were to ask me for my advice – and needless to say no one ever does (and I am perfectly well aware as well that giving or asking for advice is a mug’s game) – then I would tell you never to read the newspapers. Not so much because the papers are full of lies and bullshit and inane garbage – which of course they are – but because if you do read them the amount of entropy in your mind will inevitably increase. It will increase to the point at which you will turn into a total tool. Lots of things will do that – media especially though. Media is the worst, the very worst. Not just newspapers of course but radio, film, TV and all that crap on the internet. All of that stuff is the filth – the filth of the filth. It’s the filth of Satan. It’s Satan’s knob-cheese.


I say this not on any moral or ethical grounds – I am not looking for a platform from which to preach – but from a strictly practical point of view. This is after all a purely technical matter. Entropy you have got to admit is a highly technical sort of a thing. I’m not talking about sin or wickedness, good or bad, or right or wrong I am talking about the reciprocal of information, W-1, I am talking about S, which any student of chemistry will straightaway be able to tell you about. I am talking about the inherent but nevertheless disguised predictability of a message. I trust you are starting to get my drift here. What the hell has this got to do with sin or virtue, morality or immorality, right or wrong? Entropy is entropy and that is that.


Only of course it is not regular entropy we are talking about here but mental entropy ψS, which is always a bit trickier to explain. Mental entropy is the horizon which we cannot see, the invisible mental horizon that hems us with deadly effectiveness in on all sides. Look as hard as you may, you cannot see any sign of it. It’s undetectable. If you tell me that it’s there I won’t believe you for a second. I will laugh at you. I will piss myself. Mental entropy is a limit we cannot see, a limit we have no clue about. But let me tell you that just because we can’t see it doesn’t mean that it isn’t there. Did you ever know a real jerk, a real dick-head, a real solid gold-plated ass-hole? Of course you did. Jerks are ten-a-penny. Ass-holes come off the assembly line at a rate of ten-thousand per hour. What am I saying – they get manufactured at a rare of a hundred thousand per hour. There’s a steady supply of them – arseholes and dickheads and jerks is one thing we aren’t ever going to run out of. No sir. Not now not ever. Now the thing about a real dickhead is that he doesn’t know he is a dickhead, right? He hasn’t the slightest clue and that’s precisely what makes him a dickhead. You can tell him straight to his face and he still won’t know…


Well what we’re talking about here is kind of like that, but not quite. Not entirely the same, but kind of the same. Mental entropy doesn’t necessarily turn you into a dickhead – although of course it can do – but what it does do is that it makes you as thick as shit, without having the slightest clue that you are. Not thick like when you can’t get into MENSA because you scored too low on the IQ test (and incidentally anyone in MENSA is guaranteed from the very onset to be a total dickhead – why would you want to join a bunch of daft twats like that if you weren’t?) but thick in the sense of really not getting it.


Not to put too fine a point on it, mental entropy invariably turns you into a right plank. It turns you into a total tool. It makes you real dumb and literal and hopelessly pathetically ‘straight’ in your thinking, kind of like a Jehovah’s Witness. You won’t know you’re a total sad tool but trust me – you will be. It’s because you don’t know it that you are…


That’s what reading newspapers will do to you. Or watching TV or listening to Galway Bay FM or whatever lame-ass shit-for-brains media platform happens to be your bag. You don’t believe me? You think it me that’s a dickhead? Fine. Go right ahead then. Help yourself. Work away my friend. Go for it. Knock yourself out. It’s not like it’s about ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ anyway, as I have already explained. It’s not ‘wrong’ to be an utter plank! You can be a total generic tool if you want to be. Ain’t no one gonna stop you…





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