Personality Robot

I’ve just bought a brand new personality robot, the very latest thing. It’s pretty much like any personality robot though when you get right down to it – very mechanical, very limited, very set in its ways… It’s appallingly dull and ludicrously inflexible and -as a consequence – it’s absolutely guaranteed never to surprise. It’s a damn good buy, in other words! It’s just what the doctor ordered! You should run off and get yourself one straightaway – if you haven’t already done so, that is…


Allow me to introduce myself – I am undifferentiated consciousness. For one mad moment I was going to say, allow me to introduce myself, I am Mr Undifferentiated Consciousness and I live in such-and-such a house in such-and-such a street. I live in such-and-such a town, in such-and-such a country. My hobbies are travel, bird-watching and hill-walking. I am a Methodist, a Lutheran, a Baptist, an Evangelist, a Presbyterian, a Catholic, a Jehovah’s Witness. I am a Seventh Day Adventist. What appalling madness! What filth! Even saying it makes me squirm inside – even the idea of such labels seems to me vile, unclean, a defilement, a sordid and repulsive contamination…


And it is also funny – I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. It’s such a pile of bullshit. Q – What do you call someone who takes bullshit seriously? Someone who is heavily invested in taking ludicrous bullshit very seriously indeed? A – You call him Mr Differentiated Consciousness. You call him Mr Ego Robot. You call Joe Normal. You call him Peter Persona. You call him Mr Prim and Proper. You call him The Mask. You call him all kind of things like that…


I’m sorry, I’m going on too much. Maybe that isn’t so funny for you. Maybe it’s a private joke. Maybe you have to be undifferentiated consciousness to get it! That’s a joke itself, you see. A joke within a joke, and possibly neither of them very funny.


Anyway, that’s enough of that. As I say, I’ve just bought a new personality robot. They’re all the rage, you know. Everybody has one. I am reliably told that many people would never be seen in public without one. Especially if you happen to be someone of standing, someone of importance. To be spotted without your ego robot would be a positive scandal. “Oh my God,” people would say, “Did you hear? He (or she) wasn’t wearing his (or her) personality robot! Can you believe it?”


Of course it’s true that these robot personality suits are very uncomfortable and they have an entirely detrimental effect upon one’s sense of humour. But all the same – one has to have one. What would happen to the world if we all ran around the place entirely undifferentiated, as undifferentiated as the day that we were born? How irresponsible is that? Who would be there to take the bullshit seriously if everyone did that? Some people seem to think that bullshit takes care of itself!


That’s enough of that. I’m sure you’re getting heartily sick of my silly prattle at this stage. I’ll stop now. Excuse me while I slip into something uncomfortable. Excuse me while I just get into this fine robot personality that I’ve just bought. I know it’s a rather unpleasant (if not to say downright sordid) business, as we’ve just said, but it’s the responsible thing to do. it’s incumbent on us. It just ‘has to be done’, as they day…








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