The other day I just had enough. Things went too far and I just couldn’t take any more. Enough was enough – something inside snapped. That was it. I wasn’t going to take any more! At that moment I decided to do something about it, I decided to put my foot down and take things into my own hands…

I decided to take a drastic but in my mind – necessary – step. I decided to cut all my ties with the real world and create my own private universe. No sooner said than done. Nothing could be easier, really. Nothing to it – should have done it years ago! I shut myself off from the rotten, unreliable, out-of-control world that I had been (unhappily) living in and created for myself a regulated world – a world in which I pulled the strings, not blind chance!

In many ways it looked exactly the same as the real world. It was pretty much indistinguishable, in my opinion. It was an extraordinarily accurate and highly detailed facsimile. Just as good as the real thing. Better, in fact, because I wouldn’t have to put up with all the crap I used to have to put up with. I was in charge now – and I wasn’t going to let anything happen unless it happened the way I wanted it to. Everything in my brand new private universe is here because I want it to be here, because it suits me for it to be here…

Don’t get me wrong – I wasn’t doing all this just so I could aggrandize my insecure little ego. I’m not trying to act God or anything like that – I’m just sick of unpleasant surprises. Sick of assholes doing my head in. Sick of stupid fuckwits screwing everything up for me the whole time. Sick of jerks trying to make me feel bad. So I took the step in needed to take. I made my decision and then I went ahead and carried it out. I saw the problem clearly and I solved it.

And I’ve never looked back! It’s fantastic! It’s marvellous! It’s bloody brilliant! I can’t tell you how good it is. How fucking great it is. I’m in my own private universe and no one can touch me. No one can mess with me ever again. Can’t think why I didn’t do it years ago…

OK, I already said that. I’m repeating myself. But it’s true. Its totally true. Mostly true. OK, maybe it’s just a tiny bit boring in my private universe. Maybe it’s just a tiny bit sterile, a tiny bit meaningless. Maybe it’s a bit predicable. A tiny bit pointless. That’s the downside. There’s always a downside.

But Wow – it’s worth it! I’d do the same thing again, if I had to. Every time. I stand by my decision. Some people may say I’m wrong but I know I’m not. You don’t get anything for nothing, right? There’s a price for everything and I for one am more than happy to pay it…