Author Archives: zippypinhead1

You Can’t Fool A Fooler

We human beings are full of such incalculable malice. I know this well. I know this very well. I know this very well indeed for it is of myself I speak, just as much as I speak of anyone else. I know this first-hand so it is no good trying to tell me otherwise. You can’t fool a fooler as they say, and I’ve been fooling myself for a long, long time!

 

You see, the thing is that the malice doesn’t have to be outwardly directed – this is what we always forget. It can be for sure and we all know instances of that. More often than not however it’s not something you can spot, or read about in the newspapers. More often than not the malice is inwardly directed, it’s directed at ourselves so no one spots the crime! The malice of which I speak comes from a secret source. It comes from being blocked on all sides – it’s as simple as this. It comes from being shut down – why else are we always trying to shut everyone else down? Why else does society always shut as down? It’s a chain-reaction. When we’ve been shut down ourselves then we’re always going to be trying to shut everyone else down too – we’re going to ‘pass it on’. It’s all we’ve got after all, and we have to pass on something! That’s the law after all – we either have to pass on what we’ve got, or what we haven’t got…

 

People possess such incalculable malice. As I have said, I know this to be true so don’t try to tell me otherwise. Am I not a person, after all? I know it well enough but I hesitate to speak of it. It’s a negative view, a grievously pessimistic and perverse view. Isn’t that what people will say? These same people that I have so unjustly accused of being full of incalculable malice. But I see it all the time. I see it in myself. Having seen it once, I cannot unsee it. It makes me laugh to think that other people do not see it, that they deny it in the way that they do. Why would we make ourselves live such crass and stupid lives if we weren’t full of such dreadful malice? Answer me that, my friend. Explain that, if you will. Why have we created such a terrible world for ourselves to live in? Or for ourselves to believe in. We could hardly have done worse. Why do we invariably afflict and oppress ourselves with hideous bureaucracies? As I say, we must hate ourselves very much indeed…

 

What makes us hate ourselves so much? It is – as I have already said – because we have been shut down. It comes out of the pain of being shut down. What pain is worse than this? We hurt so much and we don’t know why we hurt. We hurt so much and we don’t know that we do hurt. We are alienated from our own pain, our own grief. Why are we alienated from our own pain, we might ask? Simply because we have been alienated from ourselves – that’s the whole point, isn’t it? That’s where it all stems from. We don’t know ourselves. We don’t allow ourselves. We police ourselves on a daily basis.

 

What worse thing can you do to a person than alienate him or her from who they really are? And this is what society does to us. This is what we do to ourselves. What makes us do it? Our malice, of course. Our infinite, incalculable malice. You see someone being true to themselves, you see someone being happy, and that cuts you like a knife – you want to stamp on them. You want to stamp their happiness out. You want to put a stop to it. You want to take the smile off their face. You say you don’t do that? Well then, just take a look at yourself – watch what you do to yourself the next time you notice yourself being true to yourself, the next time you notice yourself being happy. What do you do? You put a stop to it. Don’t you…?

 

 

 

 

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I Had Become Enlightened

I had become enlightened. I looked at all the people around me, all the people going up and down the street, or like me, just hanging around in the square. ‘These guys aren’t enlightened’ I said to myself. I could tell. I can’t explain to you how I could tell but I could. When you are enlightened you can tell straightaway who is enlightened (like you) and who isn’t. You just know. ‘These guys don’t know anything,’ I said to myself, ‘They think that they do but they don’t. They’re in a dream, they’re hallucinating a false reality and their minds won’t allow them to perceive anything else.’ I knew this to be true; more than just ‘know’, I could see it to be true. ‘The rational mind is a tyrant,’ I said to myself, affirming what I already knew, ‘It only allows us to see the False Reality, the reality which it itself has created…’ I looked around me in silent amazement. All about me people were milling around, going here, going there, doing this, doing that, talking about such-and-such a thing, talking about such-and-such another thing. It amazed me that only I was enlightened and that no one else was. Not a soul, in the whole city centre. I was alone. I would have known if there had been someone else there who had also been in the enlightened, as opposed to the ignorant or deluded, state. I would have seen it in them. ‘To be enlightened is such an incredible thing,’ I told myself. It’s totally impossible to explain. You could only explain it to someone else who was also enlightened but then there would be no point in doing this because they would know what it was like already. This irony amused me. I could appreciate the deep irony of the situation. This was probably one of the many aspects of being enlightened, it occurred to me – the ability to fully appreciate irony whenever one came across it. ‘Yes,’ I told myself, ‘I really can appreciate the irony in a very deep way.’ All around me there were people doing this and doing that, going here and going there, getting on with whatever business it was that they were engaged in. Participating in the consensual hallucination. Imagining a reality that wasn’t really there. ‘Yes, I said to myself again, ‘this is what it’s like. This is samsara… This is what the world is like when you’re not enlightened. You think that all these things exist when they simply don’t.’ It was a sunny day. Cool enough, with a bit of a breeze, but very sunny. Which is unusual for Galway. The sun changes everything, I realized. Something inside you relaxes, opens up like a flower. Previously it had been no more than a wizened bud, blighted by the constant wind and rain, and then it opens out into the most glorious flower. It flowers unreservedly, no longer timid and weather-beaten. It becomes what it had always been meant to be. That’s just like enlightenment, I realized. Maybe enlightenment is like the sun coming out. Or rather, I corrected myself, what I meant to say is, ‘Maybe the sun coming out is like enlightenment’. Or do these two statements mean the same thing? I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know exactly what it was that I was trying to say. Being enlightened can sometimes be as confusing as anything else, I realized…

 

 

 

I Always Lie

I didn’t like myself. I didn’t like the person I had become. When I looked in the mirror I didn’t like the person I saw looking back out at me. I didn’t recognize myself. It wasn’t just the way that I looked – although it was that too – it was everything. I didn’t like anything about myself. I’d have to say that there was nothing there to like, if I was to be honest about it. There’s nothing about me to like.

 

The voice was roaring in my face, ‘Say a true thing!’ the voice roared. It didn’t give me a break. It didn’t give me a chance to think – it was just pure pressure. ‘Say a true thing!’ the voice insisted. I started to cry, I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t the faintest idea; I was all tied up in knots. I was crying like a baby. ‘But I don’t know what to say’ I sobbed, ‘I don’t know what the true thing is…’ Great shudders were moving through my body and I could hardly draw breath. ‘I don’t know what to say…’ I told the voice for the hundredth time. I was lying of course. I always lie…

 

Someone had put time on pause. Only they hadn’t – they had gotten rid of it entirely. Time had been taken away. The difference is that when time is paused then everything resumes again later on so it might as well never have been paused in the first place. It doesn’t mean anything. The pause is an illusion. You just resume what you were doing before just as if nothing had happened so really nothing has happened. A pause isn’t anything at all – it doesn’t exist. It’s a non-thing.

 

When time gets taken away completely then that’s different. That’s a real thing. All of a sudden you’re in free fall. Time has become something you can’t even imagine any more. It is something that someone had made up – something laughable, something silly. You can hardly remember it. Who could ever believe in anything as ridiculous as time? You couldn’t even invent it as a joke, it’s too pointless even to imagine. Why would you bother? And yet when we’re trapped in time then what a different story this is! Time is all we can know, then. Time is all we can know and yet what is it? This thing that we supposedly know isn’t anything. How can we know something that doesn’t exist, that isn’t real?

 

We know time so well that we’re bored with it. We’re always trying to skip ahead because there’s nothing where we are. We’re always stretching our necks to peer around the next corner, but there’s never anything there. There never will be. We’ll be stretching our necks forever. We’re bored with time but what we’re bored with doesn’t exist. Nothing that tedious and hollow could exist – nothing real could be so boring. Nature would never produce anything as sterile as time! Only we would produce it. Only we would invent it and then get trapped in believing in it.

 

Somebody had paused time and the world was suddenly in free fall. Everything had been shaken loose from its moorings, and was now drifting slowly into the great stream – the stream which came from nowhere and goes nowhere. It didn’t come from anywhere or go anywhere because there’s no time, because time is an illusion. There’s no up and no down anymore. There’s no back and no forwards. There’s no now and no then. Everything was coming apart before my eyes but really it was all coming back together…

 

 

 

 

 

The Entropy Pit

Human beings can transform in so many ways, can’t they? Don’t deny it – you know that it’s true! We can become anything; we can become all sorts of things. You name it, we can become it. We can become things with absolutely zero sense of humour and what a tremendous transformation this is! It’s not a good one – I’ll grant you that – but all the same, you’ve got to admire our versatility.

 

So many ways, so many ways. Humans can transform in so many ways. Don’t deny it now – you know that it’s true.

 

No one wants to know that, though. No one wants to know. No one wants to think about it. There are certain things that are too horrific to contemplate, as I know you’ll agree. As I know you’ll secretly agree, that is. It’s understood that no one is going to come right out and say that. You’ll never admit that you know what I’m talking about but we’ll tacitly take it that you do. Because you know that you do. And I know that you know. I know that you know that there are some things that are just too terrible to even come close to contemplating. That’s just the way it is – it’s not right or wrong. There are no judgements here…

 

So many ways, so many ways. So many ways to transform but most of them bad. Most of them too bad to think about. You might become a machine, for example. ‘What type of a machine?’ you ask. ‘Why – a machine whose job it is to pretend to be you!’ I reply with a laugh. ‘I wasn’t talking about becoming a vacuum cleaner or a kettle or a toaster you know…’ You might become a pretending machine – a machine that pretends to be a human being. Such machine don’t pretend very well it’s true, but who cares? Who’s watching anyway? It’s not as if there is going to be anyone checking up!

 

No one’s going to be checking up on the pretending machines because that’s just not in anyone’s interest. It’s not in the machine’s interest and it’s not in ours either because we don’t want to know. Would you want to know that you were a machine pretending to be you? The world is full of machines pretending to be human beings and there really isn’t any incentive for them to go dobbing themselves in. That wouldn’t make any sense. If you’re a machine pretending to be you and you’re talking to another machine pretending to be someone else then it’s not in anyone’s interest to go checking up too carefully on who’s human and who isn’t. That kind of an investigation just isn’t going to happen…

 

We don’t go checking up on ourselves, either. When was the last time you checking up on yourself to see if you were a machine? Things like that we don’t want to know. Once the pretending starts then there’s no stopping it. That’s the problem, you see. The flood gates have been opened…

 

Did you ever try to close the flood gates once they had been opened? You take my meaning here I’m sure. It’s just not going to happen. It’s like squeezing toothpaste back into the tube, only worse. Much, much worse. Infinitely worse. You see once these machine start pretending then they don’t know when to stop. They don’t know when to stop because – logically speaking – there is no place to stop. There’s no place to stop and there’s no reason to stop either! Why would you?

 

So first you pretend to be person and that’s fine but then the logic sneaks up on you and says ‘Why stop here?’ The logic says ‘Why not take it one stage further and pretend to be a machine pretending to be a person?‘ So you do that – you pretend to be a machine pretending to be a person and then before you know it the flood gates have opened and it’s all downhill from there.  You end up in that pit which is ruled over by the Lords of Entropy and quite frankly that’s not a nice pit to end up in…

 

I don’t want blame anyone for not wanting to open the lid on this particular nest of monsters! You just wouldn’t want to know. I mean, that’s frightening shit. I like to think that I’ve got a pretty strong stomach but I certainly wouldn’t want to lift the lid on that and see what’s underneath. No sir I wouldn’t…

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Sleepwalkers Would Walk All Over You

The sleepwalkers would walk all over you if you got in their way they don’t even really see you they might seem to but they’d happily go through you for a short-cut they’re lost in their own private worlds I notice that I’m choking on the acrid fumes like burning plastic that are drifting in from the street the dreamwalkers don’t seem to notice the filthy stink of entropy that hangs so rank and so heavy in the air it’s all I can do not to throw up but the dreamwalkers don’t care though they are too engrossed in the richly pungent meal in front of them chatting gaily to each other as they fork tasty morsels of the richly savoury food into their red-raw mouths as they gesticulate illustrating and emphasizing the various points that they are presumably making the melodious tinkle of the piano keys in the background the murmur of a dozen different conversations going on all around me it’s all part of the richly-textured tapestry of sounds high notes and low notes deep grumbles and groans intermixed with shrill expostulations of delight a waterfall of sound a cascade of multi-toned organ notes it’s happening all around me a richly embroidered tapestry of voices I can no longer make out any individual words in the torrent I don’t know what any of it means whistles and whoops gasps and giggles murmurs and moans I’m here I think but I don’t know what anything means I don’t know what anyone is saying I don’t know where I end and it begins there is this constant seething movement going on some movements fast and urgent others slow and leisurely I feel light-headed I feel like I’m in a dream there’s no telling where the dream ends and I begin little wavelets of sensory impressions are lapping softly all around the  little island on which I stand an azure sea stretching off to infinity in all directions the soft lapping of the waves eroding the sand from under my feet the last bit of remaining ground is being pulled away from me what kind of a dream is this I wonder how many types of dreams there are or is it all the same dream I ordered the meal from the waiter but when it arrived it immediately started eating me and I realize that it’s all happening the wrong way around there’s no way of knowing what’s going on around here the waiters won’t tell you a thing it was never meant to make any sense the voice in my head told me only I don’t have a head anymore and the voice was never really there either it was only part of a play of possibilities a trick of the light the waves splashing gently but so very persistently on my ankles and all around me the sleepwalkers are enthusiastically forking savoury morsels of the richly-succulent dream into their eagerly gaping mouths

 

 

 

The Clown Problem

The clown problem the clown problem the clown problem there are many hypotheses to account for the so-called ‘clown problem’ an ancient intergalactic clown empire stretching from star system to star system enslaving their indigence their indigence the indigent inhabitants subjecting them to psychic terror rays harvesting their fear feasting on it feasting on it one reason why we have a deeply-ingrained genetic fear of clowns is because in the past many thousands of years ago human beings were enslaved by a terrifying parasitic race of non-terrestrial origin which bore a distinct resemblance an ancient intergalactic clown empire stretching from star system to star system feasting on them enslaving their indigence their indigence the indigent inhabitants subjecting them to psychic terror rays harvesting their fear feasting to the modern day clown these creatures eventually entered into a symbiotic relationship with their prey / hosts and became they have now become invisible by virtue of their successful adaptation incorporation into human culture and are now regarded as little more than harmless entertainment specialists remnants remnants remnants of an ancient intergalactic clown empire stretching from star system to star system enslaving their indigence their indigence remnants remnants remnants remnants remnants remnants feasting on the indigent inhabitants subjecting them to psychic terror rays harvesting their fear feasting on it feasting growing fat and complacent the ancient evil clown race

 

 

 

A Life Can Be Eaten Up so Quickly Can’t It?

A life can be eaten up so quickly, can’t it? It seems like no more than a second and it’s been swallowed up by vile nonsense, by stupid ridiculous details that you don’t even really care about. By garbage that’s got nothing to do with anything. ‘Bang!’ and your life has gone. That was it. All swallowed up. All gone. You didn’t see that coming, did you sunshine?

 

My mind roams freely over vast plains of bullshit. It roams freely, like a freely-roaming creature. I can’t think of any examples of such a creature at the moment, but know you know what I mean. Only that isn’t really true is it? It doesn’t roam freely because it’s kept on a very tight leash. How can you roam freely in a plain of bullshit anyway? What’s that supposed to mean? That’s my point, I suppose. Obviously enough…

 

Life should come with some sort of warning really – don’t you think? I mean, how are you supposed to know if no one tells you? No one tells us to watch out. On the contrary, the message from all around is to charge ahead as quickly as possible, lest you miss out. Isn’t that the message? Life’s a race, isn’t it? The starting pistol goes and you’re off, like a greyhound out of a cage. Boy can those greyhound’s run, right? They surely can. You know that they can – I mean, you’ve seen them, right? Wow – yeah!

 

So that’s what it’s like as we all know well enough – life’s a race and you don’t want to be left behind. No one wants to be left behind. It’s a sad thing to be left behind and see everyone else getting ahead of you and getting all the good stuff in life when you’re not. That’ll make you feel very sad. You’ve got to be up there with the leaders, haven’t you? We all know that. But then that brings us back to what we started off talking about. You see where I’m going with this I’m sure! We’re taking off like greyhounds out of the cage and we’re not wasting any time because we don’t want to be left behind and then – “Bang!” – the next thing is that your whole life has been eaten up in a flash! It’s gone and you didn’t know what happened. Something happened, something got to you and you never saw it coming. No one told you that it would happen like that. Somehow, everyone conveniently forgets to mention that…

 

So that’s it. That’s how it goes. It happens like that every time but no one ever tells you. Your life gets devoured in what seems like no time at all – it gets eaten up by nonsense, by pointless chores and tasks and worries, by the most pestilential kind of garbage ever. Because life didn’t come with any warnings attached. Because – on the contrary – all the people around you, your parents, your teachers, whoever, urged you most seriously to take part in the race to the best of your ability. And you did because we all do and now you see where that got you! Now you see what happens when you charge ahead like a damn block-headed fool in the way that you did. Only you don’t see because all that rotten toxic garbage has eaten you up from the inside and there’s nothing left. When you’ve been hollowed out by the type of virulent nonsense that I’m on about here then you can’t see anything anymore. You can trust me on that one, you really can…