I was both Casting the Shadow and Sitting in that Shadow at the same time. I was sitting in my own shadow, shivering with the bone-biting cold. After a long, long time sitting – as I was – in the inky black darkness I had a thought, a kind of ‘Reverse Revelation’, and under the influence of this mighty revelation I cried out, ‘Let the darkness be light!” Then – as soon as I uttered these potent words – the darkness was light (it was as far as I was concerned, anyway) and there wasn’t anything else. There was only the All-Pervading Darkness and so that became the world. It became the Totality of All That Was Possible.
Needless to say, I was rather proud of myself for pulling this off. It was some stunt, as anyone would have to admit. ‘Neat job’, I said to myself, impressed beyond measure by what I had achieved. I had created a World of Indestructible Ignorance, an Ocean of Ignorance that stretched on forever in all directions. It had no shores. This was my Domain I realised, I was Lord and Ruler of all I surveyed. This was my right and proper fiefdom, and all must pay homage to me, it occurred to me. The only problem with this being that I was the only one here there. Just me, myself and I. Just Me, Myself and my ego. And a very fine trio we make too, I must say. If I say so myself. ‘Damn fine job,’ I said to myself again, in terms of glowing approval, ‘you really nailed it there, buddy and no mistake’.
‘Let us pray to the All-Pervading Darkness,’ I cried out, unable to help myself any longer. Up until then I had been afraid of uttering these words but now I simply could not contain myself any longer. ‘Let us worship the All-Consuming Darkness!’ I intoned grandly. ‘Let us beg most humbly to become its appallingly degraded slaves…’ It was my sacred duty to enforce the Hideous Nonsense of the Evil World. No one would ever thank me, it was true, but it was the right thing to do all the same.
I was casting the shadow, and I also was the shadow, both at the same time. I was both cause and effect, the maker and the made. I am both the boot that kicks and the spotty arse that gets kicked. I am the beater and the beaten all rolled up into one. I am the abuser and the abused. I was Trapped in the Evil World you see – terribly, terribly trapped. Trapped beyond any hope of escape. Trapped beyond any hope of redemption. Redemption meant nothing any more. In the Evil World everything was corrupt and even the corruption itself was corrupt.
It was my sacred task to do something or other, but I wasn’t quite sure what. It had all become rather hazy. My mind had clouded over – it had started to devour itself. The inevitable deterioration had set in. Trapped in the Evil World as I was, there was nothing for it but to promote that evil and hope against hope that this would save me. If I put enough effort into ‘advancing the cause of the Abyss’ then the Abyss would reward me. So I reasoned anyway, and there was no one there to tell me any different. If there had been I wouldn’t have paid them any need anyway. That’s just the way I am – pure heedless. Heedless in my pursuit of ignorance, heedless in my pursuit of self-deception.
As little fish are we, swimming gaily in the Ocean of Lies. Swimming so gaily. Swimming here and swimming there, eating each other as we go. The big fish eating the little fish, as is always the way. And – in time – even the biggest, most formidable predator fish will itself be devoured. That’s just the way it goes – the Eater will one day inevitably become the Eaten. There’s no way out of this cycle – the Eater shall become the Eaten and the Abuser shall become the Abused. The strong will take advantage of the weak and laugh shamelessly as they do so, until the day comes for them to experience the very same fate. This is the way it has been ordained – this is the Great Law that we must all bow to…
Image credit – mollycrabapple.com