Belligerently disregarding the incalculable blessing that had been bestowed upon me, I launched myself into a life of callous brutality and heartless avarice. You know how it goes, right? I’m sure I don’t have to pontificate any further with regard to this particular point. I don’t really need to explain myself any further but I will anyway. In my youth I devoted myself to a life of petty-minded vindictiveness and barely concealed malice. As one does, my friends, as one does. Determinedly launching oneself into a life of callous indifference with all due ceremony, with all due diligence. Dotting the I’s and crossing the T’s. Filling in all the relevant request forms beforehand. Making sure that you register with the appropriate government department. That’s just the way it goes boys, so please don’t give me a hard time over it. Let’s try to be adults about it. Barely concealed malice my friends – fake smiles and paper-thin conviviality and all that kind of thing. You take my meaning, I’m sure. Looking for the kudos that perfection always brings. Cocaine from the Devil’s Own Stash, right? You are the People’s Hero, you are the Street Corner Champion. You’re the crowd’s darling, feted wherever you go. Belligerently disregarding the incalculable blessing that had been bestowed upon you, pissing all over it, as is the way, as is always the way. Pissing over everything. Pissing on your own shoes. Snorting coke from the Devil’s own stash, launching yourself into a life of frightening insincerity. It’s going to be great, you tell yourself. It’s going to be a belter. It’s going to be a belter for sure. You’re the people’s darling. Snorting away like the total bastard you are. You’re a pig and you’re proud of it. Your nostrils, twin greedy holes in a flat malignant face, your mouth a thin mean gash. Your very existence is a crime, your every move a soul-destroying sin. You’re a winner by anyone’s standards and the whole world loves a winner! By God they do. Everything you think is a perversity, every comment that escapes your thin grey lips an utter abomination. Pain is your only true friend you see, and one day you’ll learn that. Pain is your one and only true friend. One day you’ll thank me for reminding you of that. We all learn in the end of course, one way or another. One way or another. We all learn to appreciate the sincerity that pain teaches. Your good friend and teacher will be waiting there for you long after the fickle crowd has moved on, as it always does. Pain will be patiently waiting for you to show you the way. Waiting in the wings. What’s the big hurry, after all – aren’t we all going to get there in the end?