‘I am always right about everything’, I tell myself solemnly. ‘I already know everything, without even trying’. ‘This is very important’, says I to myself – ‘I’m obviously destined to do something with this gift. The world needs me…’ The world is a very confused place, to be sure – it is both confused and confusing. People – by and large – are addicted to talking (and therefore evidently not just ‘talking’ but thinking too) the most terrible bullshit, as you may or may not know. I’m not being funny here – I’m passing on valuable information. It’s actually very hard to realize that folk are continuously talking and thinking utter bullshit because you get used to it. You get used to it and think it’s normal…

I boast freely about all my wonderful boasting – I want the whole world to know how great my wonderful boasting is! I want them to know the greatness of my boasting and respect me for it. Respect is what we’re all looking for, after all – just a little bit of respect. That’s all I want really, under the mask of all the bluster and begrudgery, beneath all the toxic bravado and fake bon homie. Is that too much to ask? Am I being unreasonable here?

All I ever seem to get is disrespect, however – disrespect from every side. It’s like I’m a joke or something. Someone to be mocked and laughed at by any gobshyte who happens to come along. Mockery and contempt is all I know, but that’s just the type of world we live in. What else would you expect?

Right back at the very beginning of all things, the ‘dawn of history’ sort of thing, I had what you might call ‘a seminal religious experience’ – a vision that came to me out of the blue, as these things always do. I beheld my own ego (cowering in the corner as it was) and realised to my horror that it was the Alpha and the Omega, the Source of All, the Lord of Small Animals, Plants, Fungi and Suchlike. I realized that my Ego was in fact the Deity Itself. In the wake of this Supremely Joyful Revelation I started a new religion, as you might expect, and this was to prove very popular. It became big business, it became all the rage. It became ‘The Mainstay of The Dominator Culture’ – people wanted to talk to me on daytime TV and stuff like that. I was riding high, as you might imagine. I was however – as I was soon to find out – flying too close to the sun….

So then the next thing was that I was exposed as a fraud and liar. They said I set out to deceive people and lead them astray. My case hit all the newspapers. I tried to explain that God was always a fraud and a liar, I tried to explain that it had always been thus, right from the very beginning of human history. I reasoned with them, I went through all the relevant scriptures. God is duty bound to be a fraud, I told them. It’s the Age-Old Myth, I told them, said to be as old as time itself. It’s the myth of the Peddler God who peddles Cosmic Lies, the Media God who promises Ascension by All to the Higher Realms, Higher Realms containing Unending Entertainment. Of the very highest calibre. There are thousands of such myths, tens of thousands of them, so we have no excuse for not knowing about them. No excuse at all. We are being purposefully ignorant, obviously. We like being ignorant, clearly…

I try to explain, but the fact is that people are far more stupid than they might initially appear (as you’d know if you’ve ever had anything to do with them yourself). My case hit the headlines for sure, but it was all a sham and a mockery and the whole thing came to nothing just more time-wasting, if you take my meaning. Just another episode of time-wasting to add to all the time-wasting that is already going on! It’s enough to make you sick isn’t it but that’s just the world we live on. That’s the way it goes. That’s how the cookie crumbles. There’s not enough bullcrap in the world – obviously enough – so we have to throw in some more of it! To add to the utterly appalling amount that we already have to deal with. Pile it on lads, pile it on…

It’s a nightmare, of course. It’s a nightmare we can’t wake up from but folk will tell you that everything’s OK. Folk – echoing the laughable lies of their corrupt billionaire masters – say that it’s all good and that we should cheer loudly and be grateful and write lots and lots of stuff in our gratitude dairies to show that we’re properly grateful. But it’s not really good of course. it’s nothing but Non-Stop Psychic Effluence, Non-Stop Psychic Effluence of the very worst type. The Satanic type, if you take my meaning. The bastards are taking the piss you see. They’re taking the piss big time but we’re too ridiculously full of ourselves to see it….