‘Special moments’, says I to myself, ‘special moments in which you realise that you are in fact the Chosen One’. Special moments like these are so very special you see, they are so very wonderfully special. I can’t even begin to explain how special they are…

I was all wrapped up in my very own special bias-confirmation fantasy of course, and that’s why I was feeling so good. So very good. There’s nothing like a BC fantasy to make you feel all warm and cosy inside, is there? It’ll get you there – it’ll get you there every time! And this was no ordinary bias confirmation fantasy either – it was a very special one indeed. This was the Deluxe Version.

I was posing with pop stars, I was hanging out with A-list celebrities and all that kind of stuff. All that cool kind of stuff. Living the kind of life the average person can only ever dream of. Leading the kind of life that I can only ever dream of. Fervent self-worship is the name of the game; fervent self-worship is my middle name. Etc, etc, etc, etc… Blahdy blahdy blah, blah, blah… It’s the usual bloody story and I’m sure you know it as well as I do. Of course you know it as well as I do.

You have heard it all before, of course. It’s old hat at this stage, wouldn’t you say? Of course it is. I was thinking of the average sort of life that people might lead, if they happen to be the average sort of a person, and then I thought of the sort of life I myself aspire to live and I realised that I could never settle for anything less. I would never be content with mediocrity now, I could never return to the life I had been leading, which had been particularly mediocre. Shamefully mediocre, in fact. One then gets to know ‘The Taint of Ignominy’, which is the taint that you can never hide…

Once greatness has been tasted then there’s no more appeal in the second best unfortunately, and that’s how it is with me – having tasted greatness I can never rest until I find it again. This is my fate. This is my fate and you know how it is with fate, after all – you just have to accept it, don’t you? You just have to get along with it as best you can. You have to accept being the Chosen One and all that sort of stuff.

I was posing with pop stars, rubbing shoulders with A-list actors at international award ceremonies, hanging out with all the movers and shakers. I was hanging out with all the fabulously glamorous celebrities from the fabulously glamorous world of show business. ‘This is the life’, I tell myself earnestly, ‘you couldn’t make this shit up – no way could you make this shit up…’ It was all about those special moments, you see – those special moments that make you feel so warm and cosy inside. Moments of distinction, if you know what I mean. Moments of personal validation. Those moments when you know that you’re living your best life. Those moments when you know it beyond any doubt. You can congratulate yourself then, you see. Only then can you congratulate yourself. Only then can you be worthy, only then can you accept the adulation and praise of your peers. Only then can you know that you have truly ‘achieved’…