A whole new cheezy flavour has landed, so the ad on the billboard tells us. From outer space, one might suppose. Gifted to us on planet Earth, from the great cheezy gods – gifted to us from the Lords of Cheeze high up in their celestial abode in the Cheezy Heavens. Immortal beings made up of pure undiluted cheeziness, looking down at us from their cheezy thrones – they are playing with us, having sport with us. They amuse themselves playing tricks on us, sending one man good luck and the other bad, and then maybe switching it around a little, mixing it up a little, sending in a multitude of wild-eyed bearded prophets to usher in the Age of Cheeze. Amidst a beating of drums and the blowing of trumpets.
I was sitting in my special place and because of this everyone knew who I was. There wasn’t anybody who did not know me – everyone knew me but at the same time they pretended not to. I had my bits and pieces with me – my accoutrements, you might say. That’s one of the prophecies of course, and you shall know him by his accoutrements, and by the special seat upon which he shall sit. Some people will argue otherwise, of course – they will say that true unimpeded spiritual attainment comes about as a result of some sort of inscrutable ‘internal process’ and that it has nothing to do with special seats and various mystical trappings of one sort or another. I would strongly disagree with the people who say this, however; I firmly believe that it’s all about the seat and the trappings. Very much so, in fact. One cannot overemphasise the importance of the seat and the special bits and pieces that go with it, I would say. That’s my opinion, at any rate.
I am, in my own imagination, a supreme genius of the very greatest stature and status, without peer, without any rival in the world of men. Or in any other world for that matter. In actual reality this doesn’t happen to be in the least bit true of course but it’s a long time since I left reality get in the way of my fantasies! That’s my characteristic incurable bravado, you see. It’s been a long time since I had any contact with reality at all, come to think of it; I wouldn’t know reality if it came right up to me in a busy street and punched me on the nose. I really wouldn’t! “What’s that?” I would ask, “what the hell just happened there?” Reality can play tricks with you like that, you see – it can mess with your head. Reality is the main thing when it comes to stuff that messes with your head – it’s one of the worst offenders in this respect, as I’m sure you would agree. It can mess you up real bad sometimes, and that’s no word of a lie.
No word of a lie, no word of a lie. We are, each and every one of us, fortunate enough to be living in the Age of Cheeze and we shouldn’t forget to be properly grateful for that. These are times like no other. There’s a whole new cheezy flavour that has just landed on the streets – that’s the rumour, at any rate. That’s what people are saying, anyway. That’s the vibe. That’s the vibe that’s out there, my friends, and a very ripe and rich vibe it is too! All those cheezy extraterrestrial astronauts from outer space, coming here to Earth to spread the word, coming here to turn us on to all that Super-Cosmic Cheeziness…
