I was on my best behaviour, in case God Himself was watching. The Big Man Himself. You never know, after all, do you? You just never know. I was doing all the good things, saying all the good things, thinking all the good things, as you do. As you do. Behaving like a decent human being and all that sort of craic. You know yourself.

God Himself. God Himself could be watching and so you wouldn’t want to be caught out, would you? You wouldn’t want to be caught out being a complete and utter bastard – that wouldn’t do at all, obviously! Absolutely not. No Sir… You want to create a GOOD impression, you see. It’s always important to create a good impression – if it’s someone who counts, that is. Some people count more than others, as you know, so that’s something to take into consideration. Some people don’t count at all. It may not seem particularly politically correct of me to say this but that’s just the way things are. I’m only being a realist here so please don’t blame me. Don’t condemn me. I’m giving you some good advice here, I really am…

I’m afraid of the hostile featureless masses. So very afraid. They’re bound to turn on me, I said – they always do. They can’t wait to turn on me. It happens every time, doesn’t it? It’s almost a cliché. The same old story, a nightmare we just can’t seem to wake up from. Well – a nightmare that I can’t wake up from at least. Not ever. Because the last time I checked it was all happening in my own head. The entire universe that is. Happening in my head. That’s the way it was the last checked time I checked, at any rate. Maybe things have changed now, I don’t know.

If I had one piece of advice for you it would be this – Fear the hostile featureless masses. Fear them well. You probably won’t though. You almost certainly won’t. The chances are you’ll become one of them, of course. Isn’t that what people usually do when they get scared? Blend with the hostile featureless masses? Blend good and proper so that you would never know that they were there? Merge would be a better word now that I come to think about it. Merging with those hostile featureless masses – becoming just another angry face in the crowd. Becoming just another tool.

I’m just a person like any other – not particularly angry and not particularly sad. Just a bit angry, just a bit sad. Angry sometimes, sad at others, just like anyone else. I could be you, you see – I could very easily be you. Or anyone else for that matter. Nothing special about me at all. Absolutely not. I’m just one of the lads, really. The point being of course that no one is going to pick on me this way. How is anyone going to know to do that? It’s the perfect solution, clearly. It’s the perfect strategy and that’s why we all do it. We are smart that way, you see. We’re smart in that way, if not in any other…

Image credit – lordmayorsshow.london