Am I alive or am I dead? Was it something I thought, or was it something something I said? I yearn for greatness but fear the humiliation that comes with failure, and for this reason I Iie low. For this reason I lie low, stealthily watching the others, growing increasingly resentful all the while, until – eventually – I can contain it no more. I can contain it no more and I become the Great Satan Himself, Lord of all Wickedness.
Yes, yes, yes – I became the Great Satan, the Exclusive Source of All Evil in this wretched World. That’s how it happened, you see. That’s how it came to pass. One moment you’re a regular guy, same as any other Joe Soap, the next you’re caught up in an All-Consuming Cosmic Web of Intrigue, you’re caught up in the Titanic Struggle between Good and Evil. And not only are you caught up in it, you’re at the very centre of it. You are what that struggle is all about; you’re the one that instigated it. You are the Lord and Master of all wicked things…
We all wonder about that from time to time, don’t we? We all wonder whether we are alive or dead, whether what’s happening is real or whether it’s all some kind of sick joke. Did that really happen, we ask ourselves, or is my brain stuck in an abandoned laboratory somewhere, in a sealed, aerated tank full of recycled nutrient fluid, hallucinating away feverishly? Hallucinating away frenziedly, hallucinating away madly. Was there really such a thing as reality or was that just part of the hallucination? How would you ever know, after all? How would you ever know? Did what I think just happened really happen or did I just imagine it? Is everything a lie?
We all fear the humiliation that comes with failure, every last one of us. To be sure we do. We fear it so much – we fear it more than words can say and this fear makes us terribly cruel. It makes demons of us and this is why we reject the loser, this is why we mock and abuse the downtrodden as much as we do. It’s the Law, is the Golden Rule – God himself has commanded us to despise the loser, God Himself has told us to oppress all those who have failed. That’s how it is in our minds, anyway. Our poor distorted illusion-ridden minds…
The process all starts innocently enough – it starts with the desire to be famous, the desire to be a household name, the desire to be interviewed on daytime TV by all the big names, and all of that. The desire to be instantly recognisable to anyone anywhere on the planet. We all want that, don’t we? We all want it whether we care to admit it or not. We want it so badly. But that’s just human nature, nothing to be ashamed about. It’s nothing to feel bad about. We’re all human beings, after all – we’re all that way. To be sure we are. It started with the innocent impulse to be a famous person – a famous person who everyone loves, a super-famous person who everyone worships and adores, but it went off the rails at some point. It went off the rails and ended up in a very dark place.
