Obsessed with necromancy as I was as a young man, I never made very many friends. The ones I did make were not true friends at all but were – on the contrary – simply looking for some advantage at my expense. They were in it for what they could get, in other words. They were simply parasites and scavengers. In retrospect, I can see that my way of life had not been a healthy one back in those days, not by any means. Not by any stretch of the imagination had it been healthy. But at the time – what can I say? I was obsessed, possessed even… My mind was not my own – I was driven by dark impulses. I wasn’t responsible for actions in those days, you see.
I am – I suppose – implying that things are different now, that my lifestyle is appropriately healthy, and that people actually like me now, and don’t despise me, and so on and so forth, but that isn’t strictly true. That’s not entirely true. You could quite justifiably accuse me of lying if that’s what I’m trying to imply and I’m not going to insult anybody by denying it. Of course I’m a liar and I would be a fool to deny it. I lie all the time – I freely admit it – but at the same time I do have certain standards. There are certain things that I won’t lie about. Such as for example the big question as to whether Reality itself is a dirty stinking lie. Or whether it isn’t. Or whether it is. Or whatever the hell. I would never lie aboutthat you can be sure. Never lie about the important things, that’s what I always say. That’s my motto. It’s important to have some kind of moral code in life, after all. Or at least, it’s important to be in a position to be able to make that claim in some kind of a semi-believable way. That’s called ‘having standards’, that’s called ‘being a decent human being’.
There are certain things in life that we’re not supposed to lie about, wouldn’t you agree? Things can get very dodgy very quickly if you do and – furthermore – you’re not going to get much sympathy when you come a cropper. Folk will say that you deserve everything you get. They will be delighted to see you get your comeuppance. They’ll be dancing in the street. They’ll be crowing over it, but that’s just the way folk are. Your pain will be their joy. Folk are small-minded and vindictive in their nature, rejoicing in the misfortunes of others as if that were the best thing in the world. People are such awful creatures when it comes down to it. You’d be wondering what got into them, wouldn’t you? You would be wondering just what the bloody hell got into them. What’s their excuse for being so malicious? What’s their excuse for being so horribly toxic, for being so viciously, unpleasantly small-minded? How is that supposed to be OK?
They were trying to take the good things away from me, I realised. They were coming across all friendly and easy-going – with all the backslapping and the banter and the camaraderie and all of that – but really they were just after my good things. I let out an almighty roar, I let out a roar that would have split a mountain in two and gathered up all my things together in my arms. “Get away,” I bellowed, “get away from my special good stuff…” I was blind with rage and laden down with malice. My voice shook with passion and my face was brick red with indignation and outrage. Never in my life had I known such outrage. I was more than just indignant and outraged, I was visibly apoplectic. Every single molecule in my body was vibrating with anger, vibrating like a rattlesnake’s rattle does just before it strikes.
There was no one there trying to take my good things away from me, however. What’s more, I didn’t have any good things for anyone to take! What the hell would I be doing with ‘good things’, anyway? I had nothing of value, nothing that anyone would ever want to take. All of that was just in my head, all of that was just a ridiculous fantasy…
