It’s great to have friends to pal around with. So I’ve heard anyway, so I have heard .I’ve heard that it’s a pretty cool thing. Yeah. Anyhow, uh… yeah… for sure… it sounds pretty great. For sure it does. Absolutely it does.
“But where does evil come from?” you ask, getting very serious all of a sudden. “Where is its origin?” You’ll just have to take your place in the queue buddy. You’ll have to wait your turn. I’m afraid that’s what we all want to know, you see. That’s the question on everyone’s lips. For sure it is. That’s kind of ‘the big one’ really, isn’t it? That’s the ‘million dollar question’ for sure….
People are such pigs, aren’t they? I know it’s not ‘the done thing’ to be coming out with stuff like that, but there you go. We all know it. There isn’t anyone here that doesn’t know it and so the issue has to be addressed. Someone has to mention the bloody elephant in the room, wouldn’t you agree? But no – we won’t own up to what we’re doing. Not in a million years will we own up to it. You end up feeling as if you’ve gone crazy. You start thinking that it’s all in your head, that you’re a bad person or something. But no it isn’t in your head. It’s really going on but they’re trying to gaslight you, you see. Same as they always do. Same as they always do.
But what would I know – what would I know? I’m sitting here all alone in the privacy of my own head, hugging my knees and rocking back and forth, wailing unhappily from time to time. I’m alienated, you see. I’m as alienated as fuck. I can’t relate to anything. I can’t relate to a damn thing, especially not myself! Nothing makes me more awkward than having to be in the same room as myself – when that happens I look the other way and whistle loudly, pretending not to notice. That’s one of my coping mechanisms you see. One of my many coping mechanisms. Not that they ever work of course, not that that that that any of these ingenious strategies of mine are ever any actually use to me…
I was in the Joke Universe, joking around, having a laugh as you do. As you do. Joking around in the Joke Universe, having a good old laugh at everything, pissing myself at the general hilarity of it all. So there I was, having a laugh, thinking to myself what a gas it all was, what a hoot it was, and so on, when all of a sudden the seed of fear took root in my mind, as seeds are wont to do. All the fun went abruptly out of the situation when this happened, needless to say. All the fun left the situation in a flash and I was left there, exposed in an eternal moment of terror, a moment that had always been there and never wouldn’t be. It’s the moment that I’ve spent my entire life running from. Running on the spot, running on the spot. Trying to break away from the situation, trying to pretend that it wasn’t happening.
Fear is the only reality of course. Fear is the only reality and I had foolishly forgotten that. It had slipped my mind and I had been lulled into a false sense of security and now all that had suddenly been pulled away, revealing me in all my weakness. Revealing me in all my ridiculous laughable foolishness. I went from being as cocky as you please to being literally paralysed with terror in something like a tenth of a second. Less than a tenth of a second in fact, considerably less…
Existence is a terrible thing, isn’t it? Such a very terrible thing. When you get to think about it, when you actually get to think about it, that is. It’s unremittingly brutal and utterly unsympathetic. Unsympathetic in the extreme. Is it any wonder we prefer to live out the course of our lives immersed in our sterile little fantasies? Who could blame us, poor worms that we are, spending our days burrowing ever deeper into unreality. Burrowing like mad – never pausing, never resting in our frantic efforts to evade the truth. Ours is a piteous situation, is it not? A truly piteous situation. I know we go around pretending to be great and telling each other that we’re great and all of that, but it’s all bullshit really, isn’t it? It really is the most awful bullshit…
