We are all participants inthe Grand Illusion, are we not? We are all participants in the Grand Illusion but the thing about this is – of course – that we must never ever admit it! Not even to ourselves, especially not even to ourselves.
The Grand Illusion is so very grand, isn’t it? So marvellously grand, so wonderfully grand. So very, so very. Grand like nothing else. Splendidly grand. And yet at the same time it is crass in the extreme, it is an exercise that is as humiliating for all concerned as it is downright harmful. And yet also rather splendid, and yet also rather marvellous. Which is why we rejoice in it so much, perverse creatures that we are…
Say nothing about it – that’s the thing to remember. Say not a word, not under any circumstances. Refuse to admit that you know anything about it. Then you’ll be just like everyone else, won’t you? Then you’ll be part of the Grand Conspiracy too, only – like I just said – you mustn’t ever admit that to yourself. You can’t ever let yourself in on the secret because if you do that then you’ll know!
Big John walks into the room. “Hi, Big John,” we all say, “how are you doing Big John?” Only there’s no one there. There’s no one there and there’s no ‘Big John’ either. There’s nothing, nothing at all. There’s nobody to be seen – there’s just you (in your celebrated role as the virtual witness) and the empty room, just you and the empty. ‘Just you and the Big Empty’, as the man said…
“There’s no one here but me and the Big Empty,” you say, “only I’m not really here at all because I’m only a figment of my imagination. There’s no one here but me and the Big Empty and I’m only an old sham…” You were cleared of all wrongdoing on the grounds that you don’t exist – they couldn’t make the charges stick.
It was a premium product, but it also wasn’t real. Never real. But all the same a premium product! Nothing but the best. The cream of the cream. The crowd are going mad for it. You can feel the quality of it yourself if you like. You can have a free sample. The Grand Illusion is so very grand, is it not? I believe that I’ve said that already. I’m on record as having said something to that general effect. I do believe that is on my permanent record. A premium product, a premium product – nothing but the very best!
Grand like nothing else, but also humiliating – deeply humiliating for everyone concerned, which is mostly me. Mainly me. Largely me. I was found guilty by a court of my peers, but then excused on the grounds of my non-existence. I was released without being charged. I was exonerated on the basis of general irrelevance. I was let off with no stain on my character…
