Suppose you’re bored, at a loss, disconnected, alienated, fed up and so on and so forth – all that kind of stuff. You just can’t get motivated anymore – you just want to stay distracted all the time, in your sterile little cocoon of self-distraction. You would stay there forever if you could but of course you can’t. That’s just not possible, as you yourself know only too well. No, that’s not possible, as you now realise only too clearly. You are about to be kicked out of your nice safe little cocoon and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. You are being turfed out, you’re being unceremoniously evicted into the outside world and the outside world isn’t a very friendly place! Not to you it isn’t, at any rate. It’s very far from being friendly as far as you’re concerned – it’s just about as unfriendly as it could get.
You’re making a scene, of course – you’re making a big ugly scene of it. For all the good it’ll do you. You might as well go quietly but you won’t. You will never do anything quietly; you would never do anything the easy way because that’s just the way you are. Why do it the easy way when you could make a scene and drag it out for as long as possible? You’re bored, fed up, listless, at a loss, and all the rest of it. You’re not very happy about the cards life has dealt you and you’re letting the whole world know exactly how you feel. Not that the world gives a damn about how you feel because of course it doesn’t. The world doesn’t give a shit.
How great it would be if only everything could be great! How truly exceptional that would be. How truly. You have come to realise that this can never be however, and the knowledge is very bitter to you. Never was knowledge so bitter. You’re off form, you’re out of sorts, you’re as cranky as hell and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. There’s nothing anyone can do to make your day better. No Sir there isn’t. You’re just going along for the ride (as they say) and what a ride it is, huh? Fun for all the family, as they say. It’s a nightmare you just can’t switch off. It’s a nightmare with no off button.
One moment you’re bored, listless, disgruntled, cantankerous, out of sorts – chewing over the cud in your grubby little cocoon and then the next moment you’re wishing you could have it all back. You’re wishing you could be back there in the old cocoon. You didn’t know how you good you had it. No one ever does. You didn’t realise how very lucky you were to have your very ownsterile private reality bubble to fart about in. Within which you could do all meaningless bullshit as you wanted and still feel like a bloody hero. Within which you could (and did) talk shit to your heart’s content. Those were the days, my friends – those were the days. Consequence free bullshit, which is just the way you like it. And you never appreciated it. You took it all for granted, fool that you are. And still are.
You’re bitter towards yourself on this account. Very bitter. You’re downright toxic. Super-toxic. Of course you are. You’re mean and cranky and you can’t find it within yourself to move on. No way can you move on. You can’t see the bigger picture – you can never see the bigger picture. You’re permanently deluded. You can’t find it in yourself to give yourself a break – quite the opposite is true, in fact. You won’t ever let up. You’re going to punish yourself relentlessly every step of the way and no one can blame you for that. You had it coming, after all…
