I was the Secret King of the World but no one knew it. Naturally no one knew it – that’s kind of the point really. Because no one knew that I was King of the World people would regularly disrespect me and treat me as a person of no account, a person who didn’t matter in the least. If they realised who I really was then they wouldn’t do this of course, but they didn’t and they don’t. It’s not as much fun as you might think therefore, this business of being the Secret King of the World.
Mine is a lonely situation you see, it’s lonely and it’s pretty damn thankless too. No one ever thanks you for being the Secret King of the World, in my experience. All you get is a lot of abuse. There’s never any shortage of abuse anyway – that’s one thing I can tell you! And that – as I have just said – is coming from my own very personal experience; it’s not just something that I read in a book, in other words. I know what I’m talking here about I can promise you. There are certain important responsibilities that go with being the Secret King of the World, as you might imagine – don’t ask me what they are though because I can’t tell you. That’s not something I’m free to discuss…
Responsibilities are responsibilities, all the same. You’ve got to meet them you see – that’s the whole point about responsibilities, that’s what it’s all about. You can’t shirk them. I guess you could say that this is the Most Important Thing. That’s the big important thing. Yes, yes, yest – you definitely have to meet them and I don’t think there’s any getting around that! I’m afraid not. God knows I’ve tried – tried and failed as you might imagine. I have tried and failed on many occasions. I might have earned the hatred and contempt of the whole world it’s true, but at least I didn’t lose my self-respect, which as we all know is very important. Supremely important, in fact. I like to respect myself even if no one else does. That’s one of my responsibilities, come to think of it, even though I know I’ve just told you wasn’t at liberty to go into that. There are others that I am obliged to keep to myself however, so we’d best move on at this point…
Sometimes I like to obsess at length over the question as to where it all went wrong. “Where did it all go wrong?” I would ask myself at times like these. Where did it all go wrong. Where did it all go wrong. Where did it all go wrong. Where did it all go wrong. Where did it all go wrong. No sense in dwelling on the past though, I recognise that. I fully recognise that. That’s not going to get us anywhere. “I’m no happier than I was ten minutes ago”, I scream petulantly. “I’m no happier than I was ten minutes ago and that’s YOUR fault…!” I was lost in my own mind you see – I was wandering aimlessly in my thoughts, meandering about in a confused fashion, repeating pointless things that I had heard before, things which hadn’t even made any sense the first time round…
