‘The Nektar of the Gods, the Nektar of the Gods!’ I cry out excitedly, getting all worked up by nothing at all, as usual. But that’s not for the likes of us though – that Divine Elixir certainly isn’t for the likes of us! No way. Indeed it isn’t. ‘But what would happen to us if we WERE to drink the Nektar of the Gods?’ I hear you ask, besides yourself with unbearable curiosity, ‘what would happen then?’
Your face would start fizzing like sherbet is what would happen. Your ears would catch fire and blaze like a roll of magnesium ribbon in a chemistry class demonstration and the top of your head would lift clean off and go into orbit like a space rocket. Your nose will swell up and burst and you will see innumerable multi-coloured spots swimming in front of your eyes. Stuff like that, I imagine. Lots of stuff like that. I wouldn’t really know, though. I’m only guessing, as I have no personal experience of the matter. I’m just grasping at straws as ever. I’m grasping at straws and they’re not even real straws, they’re hallucinatory ones. I know that they’re hallucinatory but I’m grasping at them all the same. They’re all I’ve got.
The Nektar of the Gods is not for ordinary folk, obviously. It’s too rich for our blood, it would go straight to our heads. That’s alwayswhat happens, after all – we instantly become preposterously intoxicated. We become the instigators of evil acts. Quite frankly, there’s no end to the trouble that this can bring. The terrible, terrible trouble. My mind is losing focus at this stage, however. I have to admit that I’ve lost focus in a big way. I always lose focus in a big way. I remember myself from time to time of course – I become present in my life and witness what is there to be witnessed, which isn’t usually anything very pleasant, needless to say. It’s never very pleasant. Right now, however, I have to admit that I have lost focus in a big way. I’ve taken my eye off the ball when I shouldn’t have done and I know that there are going to be serious consequences to this.
I had worked out by this stage that I was actually inhabiting a colossal Time Machine – the whole universe was one big Time Machine! You’d never spot it, in other words. You’d have no idea of what was going on just to look at it. There are none of the trappings that we would normally assume to be part of a time machine. And yet here I am, tunneling through time at a rate of knots and not even knowing it. Not until now anyway. This blew my mind entirely, of course – it staggered me. I was trapped on some crazy camouflaged out-of-control time machine tunneling away into the distant future, heading towards some completely unknown destination. ‘What will the future bring,’ I ask myself, full of agitation, ‘what will the future bring?’
‘Well at least they will say of me that I have died a hero’s death’, I declared bravely, trying my best to console myself – ‘no one will be able to say that I didn’t die a hero’s death…’ Then it came to me that this wasn’t actually true – I’d forgotten what had just happened (although how I could have done that I don’t know). Earlier on, I had just betrayed the entire human race to the Evil Grey Predator Aliens and now they had just told me (via telepathic mind rays) that they were going to kill me anyway. They told me that they’d only been lying when they said that they would reward me richly for my cowardly betrayal. They won’t going to reward me at all. So possibly they won’t say that I’ve died a hero’s death after all, it struck me. Not that there will be anyone left to judge me anyway, I realized then. Which is at least some small consolation, I suppose…
