On my third trip I travelled to the land of the Paint Lovers, who thank you whenever you hurt them. Nothing pleases them more than discomfort and so were are you to inadvertently elbow one of them in the eye you would be doing them a big favour! It would be very easy to make friends in this realm, it occurred to me listlessly. Particularly if – like me – you have a tendency to be carelessly insensitive to other human beings from time to time. Or worse. I quickly grew bored however and left the Pain Lovers to their own devices again.
I wrote that particular passage a long time ago and it wasn’t true even then. It was an old entry in my diary – one of the oldest, in fact. Things happen in my mind and I don’t note them down at all; other things never happened and I pretend that they did, I pretend that they’re real. Sometimes I mean what I’m writing and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes things happen in my head and I don’t know that they are. This isn’t the time to go into all of that however and I don’t intend to. I definitely don’t intend to. Instead, I will return to my diary and continue to make my way through the entries that may or may not be contained within it. Some will be interesting whilst others – undoubtedly – will not.
Blaming is an addiction and I personally blame those who suffer from it. They have no one to blame but themselves, in my opinion. That’s my viewpoint on the matter, at any rate. For what it’s worth. That’s my contribution to the debate, such as it is. There’s no point in whining on interminably about society and how it crushes true individuality and wants to turn us all into robots. You’re letting yourself down when you do that. You’re letting yourself down and so you’ve no one to blame but yourself when that happens. That’s fairly obvious of course – it wasn’t anyone else that let you down, it was you that did that. All by yourself. No one else but you, no one else but you…
‘What’s your favourite Transuranic element?’ people sometimes ask me, ‘which one do you revere above all the others?’ I wrote that fragment of a much longer monologue many years ago and it was a lie even back then. It’s always been a lie. When I was younger and at the peak of my creative powers I invented a system of communication that was based entirely on lies. Only that isn’t true either. That is very far from being true. Sometimes I get caught out when I lie too much and then I get in trouble for it. People judge me for that. What they don’t understand is that I’m only being true to myself. I’m only being true to myself because I am a liar. I’m a true liar, true to myself, only I’m not.
