I was amused by the amusing things, irritated by the irritating things, cheered up by the cheerful things, encouraged by the encouraging things and frightened by the frightening things. ‘Wow – I’m really living my best life’, I said, ‘and no one better tell me any different!’
The next time someone tells you that you’re a sad loser say to them, ‘That’s not me – I’m a confident and accomplished human being and I’m going places in my life.’ That will turn it around on them, you see. You’ll see the look of complete surprise on their face and you’ll laugh long and loud! You will have the last laugh and no mistake! And remember, he who laughs last laughs loudest!
I am lying in bed, paralysed by fear as I watch the second hand of the bedside clock sweeping around and around the clock face. Its movement is brisk and impersonal. I know it to be counting off the minutes of my life. As I watch I could swear that it moves faster and faster, until it appears to be moving at a speed almost too fast to follow. I am frozen in utter horror, watching it. This couldn’t really be happening, I know, and yet somehow it is…
‘Break free from the trance’, I tell myself, ‘break free from the trance before it’s too late…’ This is going to be my motto for the day: Break free from the bloody old trance! Aren’t you fed up with that dirty old trance? I know I am! I’m so tired, and yet at the same time so strikingly sad. Yet I am cheerful at the same time – I am ebullient, buoyant, bubbly, light-hearted, unfailingly jocular. All of these things and more, all of these things and more…
My mind is jumping like a flea. ‘Jump, mind, jump!’ I cry out. ‘Jump as you have never jumped before. Jump like a mad crazy thing!’ My mind needs no encouragement to jump from me however. And anyway, it’s my mind saying that, not me. My mind says everything. My mind says everything and does everything and it never even asks my permission. It doesn’t know what it’s saying, or doing, and it doesn’t care either! It couldn’t care less. All it wants to do is hop about like a mad crazy thing all day long – hoppity hoppity hop, hoppity hoppity hop, that’s the story with my bloody old mind.
‘Money back or your money back guarantee,’ says the big sign in the shop window. ‘That’s our guarantee to you – if we don’t give you your money back straightaway then we’ll give you your money back straightaway!’ ‘Why, that’s great’, shouts my mind joyously, ‘that’s great that’s great that’s great that’s great that’s great….’ My mind is a total fool, as you’ve probably be grasped by now. There never was a bigger fool and that’s no exaggeration. That’s no word of a lie. I look upon the activities of my mind and despair, to be honest. ‘Look upon my works and despair’, saith Lord Satan, and we all stand to attention. We salute in unison, standing in smart military formation – our boots are so shiny you can see your face in them. ‘Look upon my works and despair,’ Satan tells us grimly, ‘look upon my works and despair…’
