Ego Realization

You’re crawling slowly and painfully, with many a slip and many a slide, up the entropic slopes to the dizzy summit of Ego Greatness. ‘Please help me get there’, you pray, to whatever god will hear you, ‘please help me get there…’

 

You are crawling out of the gutters, you are dragging yourself out of the mire and filth of your own unthinkably vile degradation, and that’s not easy. Not by a long shot it isn’t. Not many make it – very few make it, and you suspect that the ones who do are made of sterner stuff than you are.

 

You’re not made of stern stuff, and you realise that all too clearly. You know that only too well. The cold light of day does you no favours. The cold light of day does you no favours at all. In never does. You’re scrambling up a steep hillside that appears to be made out of smooth glass and your legs are folding up limply underneath you. Your legs are folding up underneath you – as if they’re made out of rice paper, it’s as if they’re not actually real. For all your frantic scrabbling you’re not moving an inch. You’re slowly slipping back into the filth.

 

You’ve turned into some stupid cartoon of yourself and you’re watching your own antics with numb incredulity. ‘That can’t be me’, you say to yourself, this can’t be me.’ You are dissociating like crazy. You’re a stupid cartoon of yourself and you’re sliding back into a state of unutterably vile subhuman degradation. That state of unutterably vile subhuman degradation which you know so very well…

 

We won’t dwell on that though. There is no point whatsoever in you getting obsessively hung up on those times of degradation, however comforting that prospect might seem. It’s time for you to be re-admitted to reality. Time for you to return to the real reality. You’d forgotten, of course. You always forget. That’s what it’s like – that’s what it’s always like, and there’s nothing any of us can do about it.

 

You had forgotten, needless to say. And anyway, none of this would have made any sense to you even if you hadn’t. You had forgotten and you’ll forget again. For sure you will. Your legs have no strength in them, no strength at all. It’s as if they’re not real. Your legs are folding up like origami underneath you. You’re struggling as hard as you possibly can to get up that glassy slope. You’re a salmon moving up upstream.

 

You’re praying to whatever god will listen to you. ‘Please let me escape from the horrors of my hideous degradation,’ you implore, ‘please let me out of this cesspit of my own making. You’ve been here before of course. You’ve been here before many times. You have no way of knowing how many times, in fact. It’s an archetypal situation, it’s a room you’re forever trying to leave.

 

‘One day I will attain to the sublime summit of Ego Realisation,’ you tell yourself. You speak these serious words in tones of quiet confidence. ‘One day I will experience the Blinding White Light of Ultimate Ego-Enlightenment,’ you say. Putting your head down and gritting your teeth, you strive hard to to ascend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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