I was busy seeking well-being for myself. Well-being and peace of mind. Irritably, perhaps; impatiently, undoubtedly, but I was seeking well-being all the same. I was making a determined and sustained effort. ‘Seek well-being, seek well-being, seek well-being…’ my robot mind barked at me. My robot mind, seeking a solution, as always! Methodically seeking a solution. ‘Seek a solution, seek a solution, seek a solution,’ my Robot Self was saying to itself. Which is me, of course. Which is ‘yours truly’. Which is none other than. None other than myself.
‘I am the one who is always seeking a solution’, I declared proudly, ‘and my name is in my deeds and in my intentions!’ I spoke haughtily enough for one in such a precarious position – some would say that I was a braggart, perhaps. ‘I am one who seeks restitution for a crime that was never committed.’ I spoke pointedly, as one who wishes to be understood well, and plainly, by his audience. ‘I am the opener of the hundreds and thousands of years’, I articulated, quoting freely from the Book of the Chapters of Coming Forth by Day. ‘None can speak plainer than me, for my name is in the words that I speak…’
‘None shall speak more plainly than me’, I vowed, rejoicing in the moment that had just unfolded. None shall, none shall. The moment had arrived and I was determined to make the most of it. ‘I am the minute in the hour and the hour in the minute’, I declared resonantly, ‘I am both the moment that passes and the passing of that moment…’ I spoke plainly as befits one who wishes to speak plainly, I spoke as benefits one who wishes. The moment had opened to me, displaying within it a million fiery petals. And within each of these petals you could see, if you looked closely enough, a fine regressive filigree containing petals within petals within petals, opening up ultimately to the Ear-Splitting Thunder of Eternity.
What a moment that was, my friends. What a magnificent moment it was. You would have to had to have been there yourselves in order to appreciate it, of course – it’s no good me trying to explain it. That was no ordinary moment, let me tell you! Or maybe it was, which is even more disturbing. Maybe it was a perfectly ordinary moment, just no different from any other. That would be even more perplexing, would it not? ‘What are we all doing?’ I hear you ask, ‘how could we have gone so wrong?’ You want to know, of course, you want to know so badly but no one can answer you. They just walk by, the ones who you question, their faces shrouded in sorrow.
Things have gone too far and yet they have not gone far enough. That’s a pretty fair summation of our situation, as I think you’ll agree. A pretty fair summary of our situation indeed. The moments troop by in single file, disclosing nothing, giving nothing away. It’s a dark and rainy day and everyone is in a hurry to get where they’re going – collars pulled up against the onslaught of the elements, hats pulled down firmly over the eyes. You’ll never get a word out of them because they’re all so intent on getting where they’re going. They’ll tell you nothing. The moments troop by, on their way to where they’re going, leaving you standing there gaping like the village idiot on the street corner. ‘What does it all mean?’ you ask yourself rhetorically, ‘what should I be understanding from all this?’
My robot mind is working overtime, of course. As usual. It’s trying to work out the best thing to do. It’s trying to calculate the path of least resistance. My entire existence is a search for a solution, I realise. Everything I do is an attempt to find restitution, but who can ever find restitution for a crime that was never committed? How is that ever going to work? The robot mind is reeling out figures and formula in its effort to find a solution, it is spewing out technical jargon nine to the dozen. The problem it is trying to solve is me of course. I have known that for some time now. To be sure the problem is me – what else would it be? The robot mind, the robot mind, that jolly old robot mind… How we must praise that old robot mind of ours, how we must burst ourselves to to try to serve and obey it….
