It always comes down to success, doesn’t it? Say what you like, at the end of the day it always comes down to this simple question: did you succeed, or did you not succeed? That’s all anyone ever wants to know. All stands or falls by this question and when I say ‘all’ I mean all. It’s so crucial, you see, so very, very crucial. Scientists have discovered that there is a secret form of energy in the world which they call success energy and they have also discovered that it is this energy and nothing else that allows us to be successful in our endeavours. If we are, that is. Without this energy, without this subtle fluid, there can be no success, neither in little things nor in large. When this mysterious fluid can be correctly guided, correctly manipulated, then success can be guaranteed in any endeavour that we might choose to engage in, however unlikely the outcome might initially appear.
What an astonishing scientific discovery this is! No discovery was ever greater. None ever could be greater. The scientific discovery of the secret success-energy opens the door to hitherto undreamt-of possibilities, as you might imagine, and we are only just starting to peer through that door to gain tantalizing glimpses of the most extraordinary wonders. At this very early stage in our conscious evolution we are only barely reaching that stage at which we are able to reach that stage at which we will be able to peer through the crack where that door has just been opened up even by the tiniest bit. When we do peer through that gap however then we see just how splendid our future will be, splendid beyond all recognition, in fact. It’s something to get excited about.
Yes, yes, yes – scientists have discovered, scientists have discovered. Top doctors have shown, top doctors have shown. Top doctors. Unleash the superior human being who lies buried beneath the dross and filth of your everyday life! Master the Seven Laws of Spiritual Success! Shop, have fun, and meet good, good friends. Unleash your true potential. Top doctor has shown, top doctor has shown. The filth and degradation of your everyday life. The filth and degradation. At this very early stage of your spiritual evolution you will barely be able to comprehend the Inner Greatness that lies untapped deep within the dull trappings of your wretchedly mediocre existence. How could you anyway? How could you hope to comprehend that greatness when all you know is dross, when all you know is the unutterable inane pointlessness of your inane everyday life? You are rich pickings, you see; you are rich pickings for any demonic entity that wishes to devour your soul. And please believe me – there are plenty of them out there. Boy are they ever. ‘What a terrible life this is’, you wail piteously, losing your nerve entirely, ‘what a frighteningly terrible life…’
You’re starting to glimpse it, you see. You’re starting to glimpse the ineffable horror of your own life. Keep on looking, my friend! Keep looking – don’t turn away from it. You’ve hit the motherload now and you mustn’t allow yourself to falter. You are more frightened than you’ve ever been in your entire life of course; that goes without saying, but now is not the time to quail. ‘Bring it on,’ you must demand – ‘bring it on whatever the price may be’. Courage is required here you see – great and surpassing courage. Nothing else will do. You are no longer going to be ruled by fear, you have had enough of that. More than enough. You have had enough of living like a worm. You refuse to live that way anymore – you’re determined to learn about the Seven Laws of Spiritual Success, you’re determined to unleash that inner potential of yours. Bring it on, you say. Bring it home.
Your arms are open, welcoming, and your attitude is magnanimous. Your teeth shine with the lustre – the unmistakable lustre that comes from exemplary dental hygiene. Your charisma is undeniable. Even your worst enemies cannot deny you that. Don’t falter now, you tell yourself. Whatever happens, don’t falter now. Master the Seven Laws of Spiritual Success right now and none shall gainsay you. Never be treated as a knobhead ever again – that’s spiritual success right there, my friend! That’s spiritual success in a nutshell. That’s spiritual success in the palm of your hand…
Exquisite days, my friends – exquisite days. Days to swirl around your mouth like a fine wine and then spit out again. Such a fine, fine wine. Days to be remembered and savoured deeply many, many years from now. Days to conjure with and confuse your enemies. Yours will be the power to confuse many enemies, a power that you will be renowned for throughout the centuries. Renown will be yours. Intoxicated with a sense of your own divinity, you stagger around the room as people do when they have been drinking in a bar for too long. The sense of elation you’re experiencing fills you with deranged exuberance – never have you felt such a sense of savage self-intoxication! You yearn to be authentic, but you just don’t know how. Maybe there’s a meme for that, you think. Maybe all I have to do is read the meme and grasp its meaning and then everything will be solved. You’re starting to let yourself hope again and that’s good.
Things are now starting to shift – an unpleasant sense of your own tawdry existence begins to loom ominously somewhere in the room. Someone has farted but no one is willing to admit to it. You are experiencing what can only be described as ‘the most legendary come down of all time’ and you know that there isn’t going to be too much fun around from here on in. No indeed. Not too much fun at all. Nothing very much to look forward to. You remember the good times, all the same – wonderful wonderful memories abound. You will have so many, many richly rewarding memories to browse through and none of them will be yours.
