A special time is coming, I told myself, a special time is coming and then everything will be special. So very special…
I was lying of course, always lying. Lying, lying, lying – always lying. Sometimes lies are all you have to keep yourself going though. Sometimes lies are all you’ve got.
For me it’s even worse than that though – for me lies are always all I’ve got. Either I lie to myself, or I tell myself stuff that isn’t true. That’s the choice that lies ahead of me. That’s the choice I’m faced with every day. Which is it to be?
Choices, choices – huh? Is there anything worse than having too many choices? It’s so confusing, especially if you’re like me, especially if you are like me and you have a bit of an indecisive nature. Especially if you like me and you have rather a pronounced tendency to vacillate…
‘Special times, special times’, I croon to myself. I’m a well-known crooner you see. I am very well known to myself, at any rate – ‘Oh, it’s you again’, I say, trying not to sound too disappointed. Trying to stay upbeat, whistling a jaunty tune. Winking at the people I meet – implying some sort of a shared understanding.
‘What will it be?’ I ask myself, ‘lies or more lies?’ We have the basic package, and then we have all the extra modules that can be added to the mix later on. Additional lies – more advanced lies, shall we say. It’s all very exciting. Progress is a mighty thing, after all.
Even the super-advanced lies are letting me down now, though. They’re not able to do the job anymore. It’s all becoming very embarrassing. I am now in that situation where I have to grin apologetically wherever I go. Eye contact is a definite no-no.
‘This is a destination that every last one of us are heading for, however’, I say, ‘not just me. Our doom is a collective one…’ I comfort myself with this thought. I comfort myself with my own comforting thoughts. ‘Everything is going to be very special,’ I say. ‘Everything is going to be very special indeed…’
I know we’re all in the same boat at the end of the day and this knowledge brings me peace. Peace of a sort. We’re all in the same boat and we’re all going to the same place. It’s not a good place but what the hell. You can’t have everything can you?
‘Special days can bring especially happy things,’ I remarked brightly. People like me because I’m always so positive, only not really. The truth is a tricky customer, after all. Just how tricky none of us know. None of us know and none of us want to know.
Tricky, tricky – so very tricky. ‘Why does the truth always have to be so tricky?’ I hear you ask. Why can’t it be what they told us it was in all those Bible classes that we used to go to so religiously? Why can’t the truth be what our teachers kept on telling us it was?
Happy days and happy feelings. We’re waiting for the good thing to happen. Getting very excited about it. Shouting out loud. Shouting out loud with all that tremendous excitement. Waiting for the happy, happy thing. We’ll be waiting for a long time of course. We’ll be waiting for a very, very long time…
