They told me I was a member of the establishment. In my dreams they told me. They told me that I was Chairman of the Board. They told me that they had brought me to a place of suffering – in my dreams they told me. They told me that the evil was advancing little by little, that it was increasing inexorably every day. Nothing could be done about it. Nothing could ever be done about it.
I was happy when it was time to be happy and yet I was sullen, resentful and demotivated when that was called for. I was a model citizen. I liked only the things I was supposed to like and thought only the thoughts I was given to think. I was a game show contestant. I dressed like a fop with a jacket made of crushed velvet, pointy-tipped shiny black shoes and shapeless felt cap. I had a pet owl that rested on my shoulder wherever I went. It wasn’t real. And yet – despite this – I had potential. I always knew that I had potential.
I played the part of an empty-headed fool and I played it well. None could have suspected that there was any more to me than this. I myself didn’t suspect that there was any more to me. The years marched by and became decades – the decades passed by as quickly as the years and the years passed as quickly as the hours. I was heading to a very bad place and I was heading there fast. No one cared – me least of all.
Angrily, I called out the names of the people I knew. They came to me and told me to be silent and said that I should not bother them again. Everyone knew who I was, and nobody knew. I had become famous again but it wouldn’t last – it never does. I was rehearsing my speech for that occasion or eventuality when someone recognises me for who I secretly am. I am constantly rehearsing my speech for when someone recognises me for who I secretly am. It’s a very famous speech and it will go down well. It always goes down well.
‘Many are the hours and many are the days and years making up this thing we call ‘linear time’, I began, ‘and no sooner do we think of somewhere than we are already there…’ Many are the hours and many are the days. We walked through a tunnel and over a bridge. We’re Game Show Contestants – seeking our destiny, pursuing our destiny. There’s no need for us to do this of course because as it happens we can hardly avoid our destiny! Not the type of destiny we are talking about here anyway, which is the destiny of a fly that has had the misfortune to land on a length of flypaper!
Angrily, I called out the names of the gods who had sworn to protect me. They didn’t answer me however – the gods had no more time for me, it seemed. They knew who I was, and yet they didn’t know. Gods are funny that way – it’s hard to have a normal conversation with them. They exist and yet they don’t exist, both at the same time.
Angrily, I called out the names of the Dyads and Naiads and Triads who had been appointed to accompany me on my Journey of Discovery. I had become disconnected from the Cosmic Source and this never bodes well. I was making a right tit of myself and everyone was noticing it. ‘How will I ever live this down?’ I asked myself, ‘how will my spiritual ego survive this humiliating debacle?’ I was happy when I was supposed to be happy and glum and miserable when that was the order of the day. I was famous when this was required of me and I blended in modestly into the background when it wasn’t. I was both good and bad, wicked and wise, smart and stupid all at the same time.
