The Pain Of Being An Empty Vessel

 

I wanted to talk about the pain of being an empty vessel. The desire to do so came upon me. Not the ‘desire’ but rather the awful, awful need. Somehow, I had to communicate the vast pain that I felt as a result of being such a terribly empty vessel. That’s what I wanted to talk about, but it just didn’t happen like that. Life intervenes as they say and that was that. The rest was history, as they say. Only there is no such thing as history of course, as we all come to learn sooner or later. Only there’s no later. There’s no later and there’s no history, only the illusion of a back story which we all carry around with us. The illusion of a super-familiar back-story that never actually happened. Don’t tell me you don’t find that weird – it’s all a fantastical hoax, a senseless pointless conspiracy. Everyone loves a good conspiracy don’t they and this is the best of a lot – the conspiracy of history, the conspiracy of time, the conspiracy that there was something that just happened when there wasn’t, and it didn’t. The conspiracy of things that happened when there is no before for these things to have happened in. That’s where the pain of being an empty vessel, the unspeakable anguish of it, comes in. It comes in big time, as you know. Boy does it ever coming big time! You’re shouting and bawling and trying to communicate your pain but you don’t know what you are trying to communicate. You would be the last to know, the very last to know. You’re trapped in the ego-machine, after all. Stomping and shouting and making a fuss and recycling a back-story that never happened. Recycling non-existent time over and over again, forever and ever and ever. Only not. Only that never happened. Is it any wonder you’re tormented with the horrors? Is it any wonder we’re all tormented by the horrors? The terrible, terrible empty feeling that follows us wherever we go – we disguise it as best we can, we buy all the wonderful products to improve our quality of life, but we’re on the road to nowhere of course. Always on the road to nowhere – it’s tough going sometimes, isn’t it? It’s always tough going. What have we done to deserve this, I hear you ask? What could we possibly have done to deserve such an undignified fate? The punishment is disproportionate to the crime, whatever the crime could have been. And that’s the funny thing isn’t it? That’s the rat we can’t help smelling. We couldn’t have done something to deserve this because there was no ‘before’, because there was no back-story. If there is no back-story, if there was no before, how could there be a cause for this horrible empty existence of ours. It can’t be anything we did because there was nothing we ‘did’. That’s not a real thing. Thinking that there was something is the misapprehension we labour under. This is the curse of time and you’re wondering what caused time? What caused time, what caused causality? What need was there for this – the Universe Of Need, with all its untold attendant horrors?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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