Race from one end of the bardo to the other, collect prizes. Collect lots of prizes. You’ll get your very own little racing cart, coloured bright blue. All the carts are painted bright blue here you see – it saves people wasting their time trying to decide what colour they should go for. If you happen to be the indecisive type, that is. If you happen to be the type of person who has difficulty making up their mind about things.
Your very own little blue racing cart for racing from one end of that bardo to the other. You’ll be pelting along, you’ll see. You’ll love every minute of it – thrills and spills all the way! Thrills and spills for all the family… And don’t forget all those wonderful prizes you will be collecting. All those wonderful, wonderful prizes – guaranteed to make your trip to the bardo especially memorable. You’ll be making memories that you can enjoy forever…
‘I used to be just one more run-of-the-mill everyday crappy old ego just like you’, I boast, ‘but now I’m enlightened. I’ve experienced multi-dimensional awakening as a result of my esoteric practices and so I’m no longer a total twat any more…’ It’s all lies of course – filthy disgusting lies from beginning to end. Did you ever hear such terrible lies? We’re in the Kingdom of Lies now you see and so you will just have to learn to cope with that. You will have to learn to cope with all that non-stop bullshit, with those the awful never-ending falsehoods. ‘Welcome my good friends,’ you say, full of your natural overflowing ebullience, ‘welcome to the Kingdom of Lies. I just know you’re going to be very happy here. You’ll be so happy about making the right choice because everything’s about making the right choice. You know it is…
We are always exhorted by our fellow human beings not to lie our heads off, but what choice do we have? We’re set up to lie right from the very beginning; no matter what we say we are always going to be lying, we can’t help it. To speak is to lie, to think is to deceive oneself and existence itself is a sin. That’s one hell of a thing isn’t it? It really is. Just what in the name of God are we supposed to do in a situation like that this? They tell us that it’s very bad to lie and yet we live in a world that is itself a lie from beginning to end. They made us live in the Fake Creation and give thanks daily for it.
Achieving creates a healthy and robust ego, as we all know. Achieving, achieving, achieving. To be in the world and to be achieving all the time, to be achieving constantly – it doesn’t get any better than that, as well as we all know, as well we all know. If I were to achieve any more I think I’d burst! Healthy, happy, robust little egos; squawking and carrying on like so many chickens; just like a bunch of chickens that have escaped the coop and are now running frantically all over the yard. That’s the ticket now isn’t it? That is what we like to see. That’s the ticket boys, that’s the ticket. Yes, yes, yes! Achieving, achieving, achieving – keep on achieving otherwise who knows what might happen to you. You won’t be bursting yourself crowing out your glory to the world then, that’s for sure. No sir you won’t. You’ll be feeling distinctly crest-fallen and not at all robust, not at all robust. You’ll be feeling damn sorry for yourself so you will… You’ll be looking at all the other successful egos who are of course super-busy crowing their damn rotten heads off and you’ll wish a hole would come along and swallow you up. You can take my word for that my friends. I’m not messing when I say that – I’ve seen it happen time and time again.
There’s a thousand ways to celebrate and none of them mean a damn thing, isn’t that what they say? Isn’t that the way of it? There are a thousand different ways to say ‘thank you’ when you don’t mean a word of it. ‘I lived on a strict diet of radishes and truffle skins for six long years and it never did me any harm’, I shout out pointlessly, as I so often do, but no one pays me any heed. I’m trying to fill a void, that’s all. I’m only a copy of a copy after all, a degenerate analogue of a degenerate analogue, and that’s as good as it gets I’m afraid. It’s the Kali Yuga come at last kids’, the voice on the radio tells us excitedly, ‘I wonder if any of you can actually dig that?’
